


A Storm is Coming

by Emilyray1997



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilyray1997/pseuds/Emilyray1997
Summary: Toni Topaz has always been a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, but she has always had Cheryl. This is a story about how friends become lovers, become nothing, and also everything.*pretty much a book I wrote that I then changed to make work for Cheryl and Toni*
Relationships: Betty Cooper/Toni Topaz, Cheryl Blossom/Josie McCoy, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Cheryl Blossom/Veronica Lodge, Valerie Smith | Valerie Brown/Toni Topaz
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Toni Topaz’s whole life has been based on facts. Fact one, her mother died during labor with her. Fact two, her dad's hugs feel like safety. Fact three, for the majority of 18 years of her life, Cheryl Blossom has been her best friend. Fact four, her favorite color is blue, like the sky. Fact five, climbing trees is the most fun she could ever dream of having and it always had been.   
In a metaphorical sense, her whole life started when she met Cheryl. They were young and Toni was a south side kid with a loud mouth who had no friends when she started elementary school but Cheryl was quick to change that. She braided Toni’s hair with flowers in it when they were at recess, just like her mom taught her. They climbed trees and watched clouds, guessing the shapes as animals. Cheryl and Toni grew up catching lightning bugs when it was a clear night and huddling under the covers together when it was stormy. They grew up teaching Cheryl’s little brother how to climb trees like they did, up until Cheryl was made to stop. Her mother told her that ladies don’t climb trees and Cheryl was heartbroken but obedient so she stopped, but she never stopped being Toni’s friend. Almost nothing could stop her from being Toni’s friend. 

For Toni, the bullying started early on. No one liked her because of where she came from. She felt alone whenever she wasn’t with Cheryl, which was often since they were in different classes. So she felt alone up until the day Cheryl came to their recess meeting spot, dragging a scrawny boy by the wrist.   
“TT! Meet Jughead.” Cheryl said, proudly presenting Toni the young boy and Toni smiles at him.   
“Toni Topaz.” She said and he smiled.   
“You’re from the southside too?” He asked and she nodded. “Well then won’t we just be three peas in a pod. Two serpents heirs and their fairy princess.” He said and Toni laughed, feeling less alone in that moment. Jughead and Cheryl took turns standing up for her and the bullying went down little by little until it reached a practically nonexistent level in high school. 

Now that high school has been in session for awhile and puberty has completely changed everyone’s bodies, Cheryl has more friends than just Toni. She is undeniably popular and undeniably beautiful as well. Standing tall wherever she goes, Toni thinks of her as an angel. With fair skin, red hair, and deep brown eyes, her appearance is noticed by everyone in the school. She always says she hates her nose, that she thinks it’s a little wrong for her face but Toni thinks it suits her well. She’s Toni’s best friend, despite her popularity and Toni’s lack thereof, and they even have the scars on their palms from becoming blood brothers (sisters?) to prove it.   
Toni cannot remember a time where they weren’t friends. She’s always been around to witness Cheryl’s mother's snobbiness, her father's lack of courage, her little brother's sense of adventure, and her own air of happiness. Toni witnessed it all for her friend out of love because Cheryl Blossom is all Toni has besides Jughead.  
In the hallway after school, Toni finds herself often caught up staring at Cheryl. Admiring Cheryl. Lying to herself. Toni Topaz and Cheryl Blossom were two girls who were never supposed to be friends, but somehow became the best friends of all.   
“Dude, you’re drooling a little bit.” Jughead says and Toni snaps her attention to him.   
“Don’t be mean, Juggie.” His girlfriend says and Toni smiles, feeling bad for having already forgotten her name.   
“Yeah Juggie, don’t be mean.” Toni mocks him and he scowls. “Besides, I wasn’t even staring.”  
“Oh yeah, you weren’t staring and I’m next in line for the English throne.” He says, causing Toni to smack him on the back of his head. Jughead and Toni are leaning against the lockers and waiting for Cheryl so they can head home but, as per usual, she’s taking her sweet time so Toni was left dealing with Jughead alone. Not that she minded too much.   
“I’m just saying Toni, you should just tell her how you feel. It’s kind of obvious.” He says and Toni glares, looking around at the hallway that is empty besides the three friends and Cheryl’s group that’s down the hall.   
“First of all,” Toni whispers through gritted teeth, “you’re the only person who knows I’m gay. Second of all, I don’t like her like that.”  
“Whoa, okay. Easy killer. No one would care if you were gay, not anyone that matters anyway. And you’re a catch, she’d be lucky to have you. Even if you don’t like her that way.” He says, holding his hands up in mock defense as his girlfriend nods.   
“Whenever you come out, I’ll support you. My older brother is gay.” The girl says and Toni nods, now feeling worse that she doesn’t know the girl’s name.   
After 15 minutes, Cheryl breaks away from her group of friends and comes over to the other group, giving Toni a hug. “Hey guys, you ready?” She asks and Toni laughs.   
“Cheryl, you know for a fact that we’re just waiting on you.” She says and Cheryl laughs.   
“My bad TT, lets go.” Cheryl says before leading the way out of the school towards Toni’s car. Jughead and his girlfriend slide in back and Cheryl takes her seat up front. The ride is silent except for Jug giving directions to his girlfriends house. When they drop her off, she gets out quickly and waves goodbye enthusiastically like she had been a part of the group for more than two days.   
“Jughead, what’s her name again?” Toni asks and he laughs.   
“Midge.”   
“And how long will this one last?” Cheryl asks, causing Jug to shrug.   
“Who knows? A while hopefully. She’s pretty nice. It’s different with her.” He says and Toni laughs. Cheryl looks totally disinterested and stares out the window the whole way to Jug’s house. When he leaves Cheryl turns to Toni.   
“Yes, Miss attitude?” Toni says and Cheryl scoffs, rolling her eyes.   
“I hate how he goes through women. It’s gross. You should really get a better best friend.” She says and Toni laughs.   
“Relax, Cheryl, you know you’ll always be my best friend. I can’t remember a time when it hasn’t been you and me.” Toni explains, making Cheryl smile.   
“I can’t remember a time without you either.” She says and the rest of the drive to her place has a pleasant feeling to it. 

\------------

“You better settle in and stop pouting, this is going to be a long ride and it’ll suck less if you aren’t being a crab ass.” Reggie says to Toni as he passes her seat on the bus.  
“Ignore him TT, let’s just listen to music.” Cheryl says, handing Toni the ipod and a headphone. Toni squints at her for a minute before muttering a thank you and pressing play on an old Billy Joel song. “Good choice.” Cheryl says with a smile at Toni as she settles back into the school bus seat. Shortly after settling in, the bus pulls out of the parking lot and starts their drive, only a few hours until they hit Niagara Falls, the ultimate tourist attraction.   
It’s quiet for the first hour and a half with Toni in her seat, pretending to be the DJ for her and Cheryl. Cheryl’s other friends occasionally lean over the seat to talk to her or to ask a question, never talking to Toni. Cheryl knows that Toni doesn’t like her other friends and Cheryl knows, for some reason, they don’t really like Toni either but she’s always been the best part of Cheryl’s life, so sometimes they all just have to suck it up. It’s honestly all going okay until Reggie says something stupid.  
“So Cheryl, if Melody and I are together, and Niagara Falls is a romantic place to go, then why on Earth did you decide to sit next to the grumpiest girl alive?” he asks her, like Toni isn’t there. Like she can’t hear him.  
“Dude, shut the fuck up.” Jughead says and Toni just keeps looking out the window, pretending like nothing happened.  
“Smooth move, Ace.” Melody says to Reggie, smacking his chest and he holds his hands up like he did nothing wrong.  
“You know, I don’t think you’re the grumpiest girl alive.” Cheryl whispers to Toni, who glances at her quickly.  
“Thanks, but I am pretty grumpy.” she says and Cheryl laughs.  
“Yeah sometimes, but that doesn’t give Reggie any rights to being a dickhead. I like your specific brand of grumpiness most times. That’s why we’re best friends.” Cheryl responds teasingly and this time Toni laughs.  
“Good to know that’s the only reason we’re best friends but I'm not worried about Reggie, the most interesting thing about him is his inability to satisfy a woman.” Soon enough Reggie falls asleep, like Cheryl knew he would, and their ride goes back into something peaceful  
“So what are you guys most excited to see?” Melody asks and Cheryl glances at her over her shoulder. Toni shrugs next to her.  
“Just the falls.” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“The abandoned old asylum with a fallout shelter should be pretty cool to see.” Cheryl says and Melody rolls her eyes.  
“Of course you would say that.” she says and Cheryl laughs. The bus keeps driving and driving until they reach the falls. Reggie pulls Melody out of the bus the minute he can and they run off. Cheryl stays with Toni, sitting in silence for a minute.  
“Come on, let's go look at the falls and avoid Reggie’s dumbass to the best of our abilities.” Cheryl says, nudging Toni, who nods in agreement.  
“Sounds perfect.” she says and they walk side by side to a bridge going over the river that leads up to the falls.  
“I’m glad we get to see this together.” Cheryl says to her friend as they lean against the rails, watching the water move.  
“I’m glad too.” Toni says. “There’s something I wanted to tell you, and I just couldn’t figure out how to.” she says to Cheryl who turns to look at her friend, sun behind them in the sky, Toni’s brown eyes watching the water move. “I’m gay.” she says after a few moments of silence.  
“I know.” Cheryl responds and Toni looks at her shocked.  
“How’d you know?”  
“You and Jug try to talk about it secretly and you don’t succeed very well. Besides, I’ve seen you check girls out before, it’s no big deal.” Cheryl says with a shrug.  
“It’s going to ruin my life once everyone finds out.” she mutters.  
“Oh come on, no it won’t.” Cheryl says with a smile and Toni glances at her again, smiling too.  
“How come you can always make me laugh even when I want to be a grumpus?” she asks and Cheryl laughs again.  
“It’s my perfect smile, I can make you do anything when I flash my pearly whites.” Cheryl jokes making Toni laugh.  
“Yeah I guess that's true.”

Toni - March 3rd  
Toni wakes up to her phone ringing nonstop and when she looks at it she sees fifteen missed calls from Cheryl so she immediately calls her back. “Cheryl, what’s up? It’s like 4 in the morning.” She says with a yawn.   
“First of all, it’s 6 in the morning. Not four. And secondly, Reggie must have heard you tell me you’re gay. He’s telling everyone. I’m so sorry.” Cheryl says and she sounds like she’s been crying.   
“Are you okay?” Toni asks and Cheryl sighs.   
“I feel terrible. He’s going to out you and I can’t do anything about it. Does your dad even know yet?” She asks.   
“It’s fine, I can fend for myself. And yeah my dad knows.” Toni says as she rises out of bed and starts digging around in her nightstand for a pony tail holder. “It’ll all be fine. It’s not your fault, just chill.” Toni tells her and Cheryl once again sighs.   
“You’re right. I’ll see you when you pick me up.” She says and Toni hangs up before brushing her hair and putting it up in a messy bun. Since she’s up, she gets dressed now and goes downstairs to grab something to eat.   
“What's up kid?” Her dad says when she walks in the kitchen and she shoots a smile at him.   
“Me as of five minutes ago. I have to eat a nutritional breakfast today since the whole school knows I’m one of those darn lesbians now.” She tells him sarcastically and he laughs.   
“Well roll with the punches, you’ll be fine. But let me know if there’s anything you can’t handle okay?” He asks Toni once again smiles at her father. Her biggest fan, her biggest supporter.   
“Of course Dad, but I’ll be fine.” She says, grabbing a granola bar and heading out the door. She picks up Jug first and he slides in the back with a huge grin.   
“Hey, a mass text went out saying you’re gay. I just don’t get how no one figured it out before what with you wearing plaid all the time and being so angsty.” He says causing Toni to glare at him in the rear view mirror.   
“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny, Jug.” She deadpans and he laughs.   
“No but seriously, are you okay?” He asks and she nods.   
“Never been better.”  
After they get Betty, and also pick up Cheryl, they head to school. Walking through the halls Toni notices more people staring at me than ever before and honestly, it feels weird to her.   
“Heard you’re a dyke.” Reggie says, walking over with a smirk on his face. “Is that why you wanted to be with Cheryl at Niagara Falls? Trying to get up Cheryl’s skirt?” He sneers and Toni sighs.   
“I heard your dick is small, but it’s not my business if you have a shrimp down there. Just like it’s not your business who I want to fuck, unless you think I’m going to steal your girl.” She responds and he clenches his first like he’s about to hit her.   
“You couldn’t fuck Melody if you tried.” He grits out and Toni laughs.   
“I bet I could. Maybe if I did she’d know what it’s like to orgasm during sex.” Toni says with a laugh, ready to fight Reggie right there when Jughead steps between them. 

“You better leave now, Reggie. Or I’ll kick your ass.” He says and Toni smiles, watching as Reggie walks away angrier than when he was standing there.   
“Wow Juggie, I knew you big hulking biceps would come in handy one day.” She says, throwing an arm around his shoulder as he laughs.   
“Dude, you could have handled it on your own.” He says and Toni nods.   
“True.”   
“You had a good comeback, but let’s try to not get hit today, okay?” He says and Toni shrugs.   
“If I must avoid it then I guess that’s fine.” 

Cheryl - March 15th  
It’s only taken two weeks for Cheryl’s mom to hear that Toni is gay, and to say she’s unhappy about it would be an understatement. “You aren’t to hang out with her do you understand?” She says forcefully as Cheryl sits at the table.   
“Well just because she’s gay, doesn’t mean that I’m gay too.” Cheryl retorts and her mom scowls.   
“It will give you a bad reputation. What will the people at church say?” She responds as Cheryl sighs.   
“I’m not sure Mom, I haven’t gone to church in like two years but last time I was there they did preach to love thy neighbor.”   
“Lord help me, you’ll be made fun of. People will assume that you are as deviant as her!” She exclaims, making Cheryl shrug.   
“So?”   
“So?! It will reflect poorly on your father and I.”  
“If God is real, then she made us all in her image, everyone including Toni, Mom. It’s not a big deal.” Cheryl tried to explain but her mom just scowls before storming away. Her dad sits down next to her and sighs.   
“You really shouldn’t work her up like that.” He says, voice barely above a whisper.   
“She really shouldn’t make judgements when she knows nothing.” Cheryl shoots back and he nods, looking resigned.   
“What’s gay mean?” Jason asks and Cheryl smiles at him.   
“She likes girls, not boys.” She explains and he smiles.   
“I like girls too.”   
When Toni pulls up, Cheryl busts out her front door, noticing it’s just the two of them in the car today and that Toni is staring out the windshield looking thoughtful. “What’s wrong?” Cheryl asks and Toni shrugs.   
“I have a bad feeling.” She says, still staring straight down the road, not moving from in front of my house. “Why’s your mom staring at us?” She asks.   
“Because you’re a lesbian.” Cheryl responds and Toni says nothing, putting the car in drive and slowly easing down the road.   
“Jug is sick and I guess Betty is taking care of him.” She explains and Cheryl nods. “Something bad is going to happen.” She says and Cheryl looks at her friend curiously.   
“Like what TT?”   
“It's storming.” She says plainly, like it explains anything to the other girl.   
“There’s been like one drop of rain and nothing bad is going to happen, you’ll be fine.” Cheryl tried to reassure her, putting her hand on Toni’s shoulder.   
“One drop of rain is still a storm.” She says as they pull into the parking lot. “Your mom doesn’t like me:”   
“My mom is a moron. It’s fine.” Cheryl says and they just sit in the car silently for a few minutes, Toni only coming back to reality when her phone starts ringing. She answers and Cheryl tries not to pay any attention to the conversation. When she hangs up, she looks straight at Cheryl with an unreadable expression.   
“That was my dad. He’s going to live full time in Texas. I have things to figure out.” She says, offering no further explanation to the completely confused Cheryl who looks at her unsure of what she means by any of that. It starts to rain harder then and Toni sighs, reaching into the back seat to grab an umbrella.   
“Here, don’t want your makeup to run.” She says, handing the umbrella to Cheryl and then putting her hood up. “I told you it was storming.”

March 20th  
Cheryl waits days to talk to Toni alone before she decides to just go to her house. When she gets there, she knocks once and she smiles when Toni answers. “Hello love.” Toni says and Cheryl smiles back at her.   
“Can we talk?” Cheryl asks and Toni opens the door wide to let Cheryl in.   
“My dad is gone already but he’ll be back in a few weeks when the house sells. We’ve already got a potential buyer.” She says as she sits down on the couch, patting the seat next to her so Cheryl will sit down with her but Cheryl chooses to stand. Unable to just sit down and listen to how her world is going to fall apart.   
“So you’re leaving then?” Cheryl asks and Toni looks at her confused.   
“What?”  
“You’re leaving to go to Texas?” Cheryl says pausing briefly so her emotions don’t take control of the situation. “You know, you’re everything to me. Even if other people act like you don’t matter, you matter to me. You are everything to me.” She says, tears welling up in her eyes despite the fact that she’s trying to stay composed.   
“Cheryl, relax. I’m not going anywhere. My dad helped me get an apartment, I’m 18, I can live on my own.” She explains.   
“Oh thank God.” Cheryl says, practically jumping onto the couch to hug Toni quickly while she laughs. “I thought you were going to leave me.” Cheryl whispers, noticing a weird feeling settling in her gut.   
“Never, Cheryl.” Toni responds as she wraps her arms tightly around the other girl, thinking about all the what if’s that could happen if Cheryl knew just why she would never leave her. 

Toni - April 5th  
“Come on dude, seriously just tell her how you feel. She obviously likes you too.” Jughead says before taking a drink of water.   
“Dude, she’s out of my league. She’s my best friend, and she’s straight.” Toni responds.   
“T, you’ve gotta take a chance every now and then. Just tell her how you feel and if she doesn’t like you like that then oh well and if she does then you’ll get married one day.” He says and she shakes her head.   
“Nah dude, I think she might hate me for liking her.”   
“You know she’s not like that man, she’d accept it. Besides, she probably already knows you have a big gay crush on her because you spend all your free time staring lass.” He says and Toni smacks his arm lightly and leans back against the cool metal of the locker.   
“Yeah, maybe man, but then I guess she’ll have to make a move.” Toni says and he sighs.   
“You’re a pussy.” 

Cheryl - April 16th  
Cheryl is not one to dwell too much, or at least she tries not to, but ever since She thought Toni was leaving she’s had this weird feeling that she can’t place or shake off. It’s like she wants to spend every minute with Toni but not just with her, in her arms. Cheryl isn’t sure what’s coming over her or what’s going on with her but she’s more attached to Toni now than ever before, and that confuses Cheryl to no end. “When will you stop hanging out with that girl and start going to church with us again? Lord knows you need it.” Cheryl’s mom says, wrenching her out of her thoughts.   
“Um, never.” Cheryl retorts and her dad looks at her over his newspaper. He just looks tired.   
“I really think praying would do you good, Cheryl.” Her mom says and Cheryl smiles as big as she can back at her.   
“Tell me, Mother. What’s the point of me praying if you’re the only one that believes in god?” Cheryl asks her mom who doesn’t have a response to 

Toni - May 1st  
“Come on Cheryl, we’re teaching Jason how to climb trees.” Toni says as she passes Cheryl in the hallway after school lets out.   
“Sure, if by we you mean you. Because I don’t remember how to climb trees. You know my mom made me stop.” Cheryl says as she follows Toni out to the parking lot.  
“Ah yes, the wicked witch deemed it unladylike like.” Toni says and Cheryl laughs.   
“That she did.” She says as they get in my car to drive to Jason’s school. We only have to wait a few minutes for him to emerge from the front doors and the look on his face when he sees them waiting for him is one of pure joy.   
“Come on kid, we have trees to climb.” Toni says excitedly, scooping him up into a hug and carrying him to the car to help him buckle before Toni drives them to the park across the street from their house.   
It takes Toni 20 minutes to show him how to get into a tree and five to explain that he shouldn’t climb too high or without someone watching him. After that she climbs up into the oak tree he picked out and he follows her closely. When they get about ten feet off the ground they stop and find some branches to sit on for a minute.   
“Come on Cheryl! Come up!” He yells down to his sister making Toni laugh.   
“Yeah Cheryl, climb on up here.” Toni yells at her friend, who sighs in response but smiles at their antics.   
“Fine!” She yells back and they watch as she pulls her hair into a ponytail before climbing up to them. She has a rough time in the beginning but quickly gets the hang of it. “I forgot how much I love this.” Cheryl says when she reaches her two favorite people and Toni smiles softly.   
“Well then, we’ll do it more often.” 

May 15th  
Everyday that it isn’t raining, Cheryl and Toni come back to the park and climb the same oak tree, making their way up a little higher each time. They keep asking each other questions about when they were younger, enjoying each other's company. Toni telling her that her dad wants her to take up the serpents once she graduates. Cheryl telling her that she just wants to leave this town. They’re always together, except on this day, where Toni sits in the tree alone. Toni would say that this is entirely her own fault because she broke a guys nose. But, in her defense, he grabbed Cheryl’s ass and Toni doesn’t let people harass her friends. Especially not the one she loves. 

Cheryl - May 15th  
When Toni punched Chuck in the nose, it only took about three seconds to realize it was broken and then it took five minutes for the school to suspend her into next year, but it made Cheryl’s heart flutter when she was defended so she decided not to complain too much. Cheryl leaves school early and goes to the woods to the oak tree and climbs up to find her friend just where she knew Toni would be, sitting on a branch.   
“Hey, Muscles.” Cheryl says and Toni sighs, not looking her friend in the eye. “Do you remember when you said you’d kill for me?” Cheryl asks and this comment makes Toni turn her head quickly.   
“I never said that.” She says and Cheryl laughs.   
“I know, but after today I think you’d totally do it if I asked.” Cheryl explains and her attitude makes Toni smile.   
“Do you remember when you told me we’d get married when we were like 7?” Toni asks and Cheryl nods, smiling.   
“Yeah, and you said that you didn’t want to wear a dress but you’d be just fine with marrying me.” Cheryl recalls, smiling softly at her. “I’m sorry you got suspended.” Cheryl whispers and Toni shrugs.   
“It was worth it.”  
“Do you ever wish you were different or that life was different?” Cheryl asks after a few moments of silence.  
“No, life made me who I am and I like who I am. I wouldn’t change a thing.” Toni explains and Cheryl smiles because that’s something she likes about Toni, the fact that she’s always unapologetically herself. 

Toni - June 1st  
“Guess who is the best friend in the world.” Toni says when Cheryl picks up the phone.   
“Definitely you.” She responds, making Toni smile broadly.  
“For your birthday, we are going to Texas. My dad talked to your dad and it’s all set. We leave on the fifth.” Toni explains and Cheryl squeals.   
“TT that’s awesome but a little more warning next time please, I have to rush and pack now. I’ll call you later!” Cheryl rushes off the phone and Toni laughs, excited about this opportunity to just be with Cheryl away from all the people in their town. 

Cheryl - June 10th  
The flight was perfect, Texas is perfect, and Toni is perfect. It’s been a few days and everything is perfect. Toni’s dad insists that Cheryl calls him John and he’s treating her like she’s his kid too, which Cheryl thinks is wonderful.   
They’re at the beach and Cheryl thinks she’s been staring at Toni and her attempts to surf a little too long because John clears his throat rather loudly to get her attention. “When are you two going to admit you love each other?” He asks, sitting down next to Cheryl as Toni wipes out again. His words cause Cheryl to blush uncontrollably, much to her disliking.   
“We don’t, sir, just because she’s gay doesn’t mean she likes me. And besides, I’ve never liked a girl before.” Cheryl explains and John nods slowly.   
“Well, things aren’t alway black and white, especially feelings. You can love her and want to be with her without liking other girls first. There’s no rule book on sexuality. Besides, she looks at you like you put the stars in the sky and you look at her the same way. One day you’ll have to own up to that, kid.” He says and Cheryl smiles weakly before turning her attention back to Toni. 

It is a misty day in the late summer when Toni finds herself walking through the woods with Cheryl and splashing in the puddles that have started to form. They’re kicking the water at each other with giggles that seem to say “I love you” without them having to say anything at all. The trees are still full of green leaves, the dirt on the ground soft from the rain. Everything looks greener, more alive.  
They come out here every day, when they tire of climbing the trees, to the clearing by the forest where the wild flowers and grass are tall everywhere but on the paths. They bring a blanket and throw it down, flattening the grass to allow us to lay and watch as the wind blows through the tops of the trees on one side, and clouds move through the sky on the other side, allowing brief slivers of blue to peek through. Laying with Cheryl next to her feels like heaven to Toni, a dream come true. The gentle grazes of Cheryl’s skin against Toni’s make her heart flutter, makes her wish she had the courage to say “I love you” out loud. Cheryl has always been so beautiful in Toni’s eyes, her best friend, but there is something that Toni feels for her that she is insistent Cheryl could probably never feel back. As unfortunate as it is to be in a situation of unrequited love, Toni will take anything she can from her friend and that's why their days are spent with Cheryl talking about whatever guy likes her and Toni just silently listening as the knot in her stomach grows tighter. She knows that the only way to make the knot go away is to confess how she truly feels, but that could mean losing Cheryl and no part of her is ready for a life that didn’t include her best friend. So Toni sucks it up, day after day coming to the clearing and laying down on their blanket to watch the sky as Cheryl’s fingertips sometimes slowly trace patterns on whatever piece of Toni’s skin she can find.   
Toni can’t ever look at Cheryl when they lay like this. One touch and her breath will catch, so her eyes stay trained on the sky while her heart beats faster and she just listens to Cheryl talk. Day after day, month after month, the dirt beneath their feet always soft as they walk to their spot, Cheryl’s pinky linked with Toni’s. Today is a day like any other, the sky a little grey, the wind a little cold for the summer as they let themselves fall into the normal routine. Lie down and listen, only this time neither of them starts to talk. The silence that is settling over them is fine until Cheryl traces patterns on Toni’s arm in silence, that’s enough to make Toni snap out of her trance, snap up quickly to a sitting position.  
“What’s wrong?” Cheryl asks as she slowly sits up to look Toni in the eye, but Toni can’t meet her gaze.  
“It’s nothing.” She replies a little too quickly to be honest.  
“It’s got to be something.” She says back, her tone low and soothing as her hand grazes Toni’s, again Toni pulls away.  
“I just hate this.” Toni says more forcibly than needed.  
“What do you hate?” Cheryl asks, tone staying even, as though nothing could ever really bother her. Toni resents her at this moment because Toni knows she can’t keep her feelings in when Cheryl is trying so hard to just understand her friend.  
“I hate that you don’t understand what you do to me.”  
“What I do to you?”  
“Yes. What you do to me. Because after all these years of being there for each other, I fell in love with you and I just thought, for like a minute, that you would fall in love with me too. But that’s never going to happen.” Toni spits out, still refusing to even look in her friend’s direction as the tears well in her eyes.  
“Well, did you ever ask if I was in love with you?” Cheryl says, taking Toni’s confession in stride.  
“No.”   
“Look at me, and ask.” Cheryl responds, her hand reaching for Toni again as Toni finally looks towards her.  
“Do you love me?” Toni asks quietly, looking straight into the deep brown eyes before her.  
“No,” she starts, “I’m in love with you. They’re different things.” She says, grinning at the look of shock across my face. “Are you going to kiss me or are you going to sit there with your jaw open and catch bugs?” She teases and all Toni can make herself do is close her mouth and lean forward. Cheryl meets her halfway, her hand reaching around to the back of Toni’s neck to pull her closer, Toni’s hands settling around Cheryl’s hips to pull them flush against each other. The kiss feels like fireworks, as cliche as that sounds, and Toni feels like she might’ve died and gone to heaven. Cheryl’s lips against Toni’s feel so good it’s almost indescribable, and Toni doesn’t know where Cheryl learned to kiss like this but the way she moves against Toni is down right sinful.  
“Wait,” Toni says as she pulls away, “I thought you were straight?”   
Cheryl laughs at this before saying, “Sexuality isn’t black and white.” Toni accepts the answer and kisses her best friend again. The mist has thoroughly soaked them at this point so after a few more stolen pecks with grazes of teeth against lip, they stand to leave. Walking the pathways back towards Toni’s car, hand in hand, splashing in puddles at each other definitely means “I love you” now. Cheryl’s laughs echoing through the forest make Toni smile. They are just two girls who went into the woods today, to go and sit in their spot and talk like best friends do. But when they leave the woods they are more than just best friends, they are new found lovers, ready to take on the world together as all lovers have to do and that is a fact that Toni knows.

Toni and Cheryl are even more inseparable now, if that’s even possible. Toni drives to get her girl every other day, if not more often. They spend nights together cuddled on the couch at Toni’s place, finding solace in being wrapped in each others arms. Toni takes up smoking, a habit that she will admit is a bad one. Cheryl reads out loud to her lover, not because Toni can’t read but because Toni loves the sound of Cheryl’s voice.  
“Those things are just gross, TT.” Cheryl says as Toni lights a cigarette.   
“I think they’re pretty great.” Toni replies and Cheryl rolls her eyes, she’ll never admit to Toni that the scent of tobacco is oddly comforting to her. She also won’t admit that there’s something wildly attractive about Toni when there’s a cigarette hanging from her teeth.  
“You’re annoying.” Cheryl says, smoothing the corner of the blanket down in the grass before she leans back with a book in hand.  
“You love me babe.” Toni says, breathing out a mouthful of smoke.  
“Put that out so you can kiss me.” Cheryl says with a smirk and Toni smiles brightly, doing exactly as she’s told and putting the cigarette out in the grass. Toni kisses her girlfriend and slowly pushes her back into the grass. Cheryl rolls them off the blanket so Toni is on her back in the dewey morning grass, the kisses she gives Toni are a mix of soft and rough. Lips and teeth moving against each other. They kiss in the grass so long that they lose track of time. Cheryl’s hands get tangled up in Toni’s hair and Toni’s hands roam freely over Cheryl’s body. Toni could smell the grass and Cheryl’s green apple shampoo so clearly she felt she was covered in green.  
“I love you.” Cheryl mumbles against Toni’s lips.  
“I love you too baby.” Toni responds, capturing Cheryl’s lips once again, not ready to stop being so close to her love, knowing that a part of being with Cheryl is only getting these moments in private. She knows being with Cheryl is not shouting their love from the street corners, it’s kissing in fields of tall grass. Loving each other isn’t a pride parade, it’s a secret meant to stay hidden until Cheryl turns 18 and is out from under her parents. Sometimes Toni feels like a dirty secret but other times she is grateful for the secrecy because their relationship is so much more for them when it’s private.


	2. The Uncontrollable Movement of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl and Toni love each other, but at what cost?

Toni - April 4th  
There are many signs that a storm is going to strike. The darkening of the sky. Sun hiding behind the clouds. Rain droplets falling at increasing speeds or snow swirling around so quickly that you can barely see five feet in front of your face. Fog so thick that it is impenetrable. Winds so fast that power lines are falling and pieces of houses are blowing away. Sometimes a siren might go off, there might be an alert. Maybe there's a wildfire spreading so quickly that no one knows how to stop it. Maybe a volcano could explode at any given moment. Maybe the flood waters are rising so high you can swim in your street. The bottom line is, a storm is coming and you cannot hide.  
Every day of your life you are one day closer to another storm, another act of God, and today it’s the first fresh rain of the spring. It’s a dribble so light it’s glistening as Toni walks out into the misty weather to see Cheryl on the corner. Instantly, she smiles at the sight of Cheryl with her head tilted back, laughing giddily as the raindrops gently fall from the sky and sprinkle on her face. Her arms are spread out wide, straight out with her palms up so she can feel the water on her fair skin. Her long blonde hair is streaming down her back, slightly dampened from the moisture it has collected. She is spinning and laughing until she sees Toni watching out of her peripheral vision. She slows and then she stops and grins. Her bright blue eyes look like a river as they pierce Toni’s soul in the best possible way. She sees the sincerity of Cheryl’s happiness in those deep blue eyes as she gazes at Toni and perks up onto her tiptoes to wave ecstatically before running towards her girlfriend at full speed. She splashes in the puddles along the way, giggling and yelling Toni’s name at the top of her lungs. Toni can only think about how Cheryl is so beautiful now, beautiful always.  
Cheryl wraps herself around Toni as she jumps into her strong arms. Toni twirls her around in circles, laughing at her sweetness but also laughing at the fact that two teenage girls spinning around romantically in the April rain is probably a hilarious sight to see. In this moment, Toni really doesn’t care about anything but Cheryl though. Cheryl’s happiness. Cheryl’s love. Their joint love. Toni loves this girl for fucks sake, she really loves her.  
So Toni sets her down on the ground lightly, slowly. Lowering Cheryl so her toes touch, then the balls of her feet, her arches. Her heels. Toni looks in her eyes and Cheryl looks in Toni’s. Toni studies those beautiful eyes as Cheryl stares into her muddy brown ones. Lovingly, Toni’s arms around Cheryl’s hips and hers over Toni’s shoulders, wrapped around the back of her neck. Toni kisses her quickly twice, and then another time longer because she can. Cheryl runs her hands through Toni’s hair while making a silly comment about Toni looking like a wet dog. Toni tickles her as a tease and wraps her in another hug before pulling away to grab her hand and lead her on a walk.  
Cheryl gives Toni’s hand a tight squeeze as she is led her through the woods, towards their favorite spot to sit, especially when it rains. The dark brown tree bark is wet and shiny. The smell of the forest is strong but not overwhelming. The musk. The dirt. The moss and the trees. Rain is falling through the leaves and dripping onto their heads. The puddles are extra muddy and deep.   
They splash their way through the wooded area, laughing and joking. They pull each other along, stopping only to kiss each other, Cheryl’s back pushed into the rough wet bark of an old oak tree. They’re keeping each other warm in the chilly spring air, taking in their love for each other when the thunder strikes. The rain starts to pour down around them and the lightning lights the sky like the sparks Toni feels whenever they press their lips together. Cheryl starts to lead the way back when both girls hear the unbelievably loud sound of metal crunching and panic rises in Toni’s throat before they take off running towards Cheryl’s home. There is a car on her lawn and her mother is crying, a small arm is sticking out from underneath the front end of the car and Toni knows it’s Cheryl’s brother. She screams and Toni grabs her by the waist to stop her from running towards his lifeless body. She spins Cheryl around and holds her close to her chest as they wait for the ambulance to show up. The rain begins to lighten up around them, becoming just a drizzle but there was no longer any twirling or giggling, in its place was a broken family.

May 23rd   
“Time is of the essence.” “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” “Time is the longest distance between two places.” “Time is a game played beautifully by children.” There are all these sayings about time, all these quotes about time, but all time does is move forward, never stopping. Never pausing, time doesn’t care to speed up or slow down when you need it to or when you want it to. In reality, your whole life is just a measurement of time, your whole life is defined by time. It’s a curious thing, how time always moves the same uncontrollable way, and yet sometimes it feels to be moving incredibly slow. Terribly, painfully slow. Just like today, today Toni feels like time is frozen in place, like nothing is moving but her.  
It’s the day of graduation and Cheryl is nowhere to be found. Her parents are nowhere to be found and her phone has been off since yesterday. It’s supposed to be the best day of the two girls young lives. The first day of the rest of their lives and she is nowhere to be found. The ceremony is dragging on and on, they call her name and no one comes forward so they move on without hesitation. Immediately following the ceremony, Toni goes to her house, frantically knocking on the door until her mom answers. “Where is she?” Toni says and Cheryl’s mom cocks her head to the side.  
“Didn’t she tell you? She’s gone away to her grandmother's in Vermont for the summer. Left this morning, said it was imperative she go now and not a moment later. Something about needing space.” she says with a shrug.  
“You’re lying.” Toni grits out in disbelief.  
“I assure you, I am not. Ever since her brother's death she just hasn’t felt like herself so she’s gone on a vacation. I’m sure she’ll contact you when she’s ready but I wouldn’t count on that being any time soon. Bye now.” she says, closing the door in Toni’s face. Toni storms away and gets into her car, punching the steering wheel with both fists before driving away. Toni believes there’s no way Cheryl would leave without telling her. No way she’d just leave Toni behind.  
The ride home seems to take forever, but she gets to her apartment relatively quickly and unlocks the door. Her heart feels broken, her mind feels jumbled. When she dials Cheryl’s number, it goes straight to voicemail so Toni leaves a message.  
“Cheryl, baby, it’s me. Your mom said you’re at your grandmas in Vermont? That’s nice. I wish you would have told me yourself but I know things have been hard lately. Give me a call when you can. I love you. Bye.”

Cheryl - May 22nd  
It’s the night before the girls are set to graduate officially, technically Cheryl knows she’s already passed everything. She’s been resting easy with the knowledge that she will be graduating tomorrow, but the loss of her brother is getting to her and tonight, she decides that she can’t live without him. Her brother, Jason, would be so happy for her, so proud of Cheryl if he could see her now. Even if he was too young to fully understand anything Cheryl ever talked about, he was still her biggest fan. But he’s dead now, and Cheryl doesn’t think she can do this without him.  
There’s a note on her desk that she just finished writing. It reads: Dear Mom and Dad, I’m not sure who will find me but I’m sorry about the blood. I truly lost myself these past few weeks and I’m sorry for that too. I know you never liked that I turned out this way. I know I put you through a lot, I have to go now though. I’m going to be with my brother. I love you both. Sincerely sorry, Cheryl.  
She walks into the bathroom. Turning on the shower and opening the little box of razor blades she bought at the drugstore a few days ago. The clock reads 7 and she knows her parents will both be back in the next hour so it’s now or never. She grabs one razor between the thumb and index finger of her left hand and presses it to the soft skin of her right wrist. She presses down and breaks the skin, smoothly cutting towards the crease of her elbow. She stops a decent way up her arm and watches the blood pour out of her opened skin as it spills onto the tile floor. She never knew red could look this beautiful. She repeats the actions on her other arm and laughs once it’s done. She thinks that a part of her didn’t think she could go through with it and she knows all of her thought it would hurt more than this, but as the blood falls she’s semi numb to the pain. She just starts to feel free.  
The shower has warmed up now so she steps in, fully clothed. She lets the warm water wash away her sins and she watches as it washes her blood down the drain. Cheryl is not sure how long she sits there on the shower floor, but as she starts to feel faint she panics, realizing her mistake. She’s stuck panicking on the shower floor when she hears the door open downstairs.  
“Cheryl?” Her mother calls out and she can’t open her mouth to respond. She hears footsteps outside the bathroom door. “Cheryl, darling, did you eat dinner?” Her mom asks with a knock on the door preceding her words. Cheryl still can’t answer. “Cheryl?” she says the name again like it’s a question and she cracks the bathroom door open. Cheryl closes her eyes as the water continues to flow over her, her mom has caught a glimpse of the blood and the razors, which Cheryl knows because she hears the door swing open the rest of the way and she can hear her mother screaming. She feels the water turn off. She feels her mothers arms around her, pulling her out of the shower and onto the floor. She feels something wrap around her arms, and then everything goes black. The last thing on Cheryl’s mind is that she didn’t write a letter to Toni.

Toni- May 26th  
It’s been a few days with no answer, all Toni’s calls to Cheryl have gone straight to voicemail. So she calls my dad and he tells her that she should fly down to Texas and see him. Toni agrees, so she calls Cheryl again. Straight to voicemail. “Hey, Cheryl,” Toni says as she paces around her apartment. “You must be having a good time. I talked to my dad today and he bought me a plane ticket to go see him, I leave tomorrow morning.” she pauses and runs a hand through her hair. “I hope you’re doing well and if you try to call and I don’t answer it’s because I’ll have my phone off for this trip, but I’ll call when I get back. I just think I need some air. I’ll text you when I land tomorrow. I love you. Bye, Cheryl.” She hangs up the phone and sighs, walking to her room to pack up and try to rest.  
When she wakes up, it’s 10 PM and she knows she won’t be able to go back to sleep. She hasn’t been sleeping well since the last time she saw Cheryl. She goes to bed early, she wakes up after two hours and doesn’t sleep again for the rest of the night. Toni walks into her bathroom and splashes some water on her face, looking at herself in the mirror, she doesn’t feel like herself. She slams her hands down on the counter in frustration, “Get it together Toni, get it together.” she says to herself.  
She storms through her house, calling a cab to take her someplace she knows will be open. She goes to the tattoo shop down the street, she knows this will kill time. She thinks this might make her feel better. The artist she meets with is a big burly man but his touch when he’s tattooing is so light handed and gentle. He tattoos lines into her skin, traces the design he had stenciled on. Toni grins and bears it, quite literally sitting with a smile on her face as this man goes to town on her right bicep. The finished piece is masterful, seven hours of tattooing leaves her with a sore upper arm covered in intricate flowers and patterns, ferns that grow upwards and swirls of color.  
“Thank you man.” she says and he nods.  
“It was a pleasure, you come back now okay?’ he responds, shaking her hand and she nods, she will come back. She knows it. She takes her time getting home, walking instead of taking a cab this time. It’s six by the time she gets there and gets her bags to go to the airport.  
When she finally does get to the airport, she feels better. She boards her plane, settles in, and smiles to herself because she starts to think she’ll be okay.

Cheryl - May 26th  
Cheryl never intended for things to be this way, but then again, no one can control whether or not their intentions become reality. The boy next door didn’t intend to become anorexic when he started that diet 6 years ago. The girl down the block never intended to hurt anyone when she drove drunk for the first, and last, time. Cheryl never wanted to be deemed a psycho girl, or a bitch. She’s sure her mom didn’t want to be a vindictive mother fucker. Most of all though, Cheryl never meant to be over dramatic. She never wanted to die. She feels like she was smart at one point, aced her way through school. Breezed through classes, she was a genius, but ever since Jason died she can’t remember being happy. She can’t remember being excited. She can’t remember learning things she wishes she would have learned.   
They taught Cheryl in elementary school that when red mixes with blue, it turns purple. But what they failed to tell her is that red blood won’t make her blue bathtub lilac, it’ll just stain it so badly that her father has to get a new one. And even though white and red are supposed to make pink, when her blood hit the tiles all it did was dry onto them, an ugly brown color. And it ruined the grout just like she ruined her chances of ever being looked at the same way again. And they taught her in school that time is easy to tell, just by reading the clock but now that she’s in a bed in nothing but a hospital gown, she can’t tell if it’s been days, minutes, hours or months. And they told her to go to sleep easier by counting sheep, but how can she count sheep when all she can imagine are the demons that pull on her heart and plague her mind.   
Do you remember when the doctors would say it’ll only pinch a bit before giving you a shot that obviously hurt more than a little pinch? Imagine that 100 times over. Do you remember how you felt when your first love left and you ate six pints of ice cream thinking the cold would numb your broken heart? Thinking that the tears would keep flowing from your eyes until your whole house was flooded? Imagine that but 100 times worse.   
Do you remember, when your parents would buy you those helium balloons from stores and say don’t let go once you got outside, but you let go anyways and would watch the big yellow smiley face balloon fly up into the sky while crying and screaming because it was truly an accident. You learned a lesson that day, to hold onto things tighter. They have always said ‘if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be and if it doesn’t it was never really yours to begin with’ but that’s honestly some bullshit. You hold on tightly to the things in your life that you need to keep to survive. You hold on tightly to love because you might not ever get another chance. Cheryl forgot to hold on tightly to Toni.  
She feels like she’s woken up hundreds of times, but when she wakes up this time it’s the first time she actually feels alert. There’s gauze on my wrists and a hospital gown on my body. There’s also a nurse in my room, a young blonde woman who smiles at Cheryl when she notices that the girl is awake. “You sure gave your parents quite the fright.” she says putting her hand on Cheryl’s knee and sitting down on the chair next to the bed. Cheryl looks at her with confusion.  
“Where am I?” She asks and the nurse sighs.  
“This is the psychiatric ward of Saint John’s Hospital.”  
“So it didn’t work? I didn’t die?”  
“No, you didn’t die. You came close and it was touch and go for a bit with all the blood you lost, but you got a couple transfusions and you were sedated for a few days so you slept through what was probably going to be the worst of the pain. They stitched you up before they gave you blood, and your parents decided to stick you here until you’re better.” she says and Cheryl can feel herself starting to cry.  
“Can I take a shower or get some different clothes or something?” She asks, wiping the tears off of her cheeks.  
“Of course.” she says, stepping away from Cheryl. “I’ll be right back dear.” she says and Cheryl nods. It takes about ten minutes for the nurse to come back holding a pile of clothes and a towel. “Follow me and we’ll get you a shower okay? Just be careful of your stitches, okay?”   
“Okay.” Cheryl sniffles and follows her down a hall.  
“Everyone’s out doing rec time and one on one therapy right now, so it’s kind of quiet in here right now.” She says and Cheryl nods. The nurse opens a door to a bathroom with a stand alone shower, a toilet, and a sink. She hands Cheryl the clothes: socks, underwear, grey sweatpants, and a grey t shirt.  
“There are some soaps in the shower, use your hands and one of the individually wrapped bars of soap to wash your body, it’s the best option we’ve got for you right now. Steer clear of the stitches and I’ll redress them both after you’re done, okay?” she says while handing Cheryl the towel. Cheryl nods and watches as the nurse takes the gauze off her wrists. Cheryl looks at the cuts and they're ugly. Swollen and red and stitched back together. She quickly has to look away.  
“Just pay them no mind, don’t think about them. I know they hurt and you I know they probably make you feel bad but just pay them no mind and you might be able to forget about them long enough to take this shower. Alright?” The nurse whispers soothingly to Cheryl, who nods at her once. The nurse takes this to mean it’s okay to leave so she goes to walk out. Cheryl panics.  
“Wait!” She yells and the woman looks at Cheryl quizzically. “What’s your name?”   
“My name is Alice and I know yours is Cheryl Blossom and it’s time for you to shower, dear.” She says and Cheryl nods, watching Alice step out before She undresses and steps into the shower.

Toni - May 26th - Afternoon  
When her plane lands and she walks out to baggage claim, her dad is waiting for her patiently. In a green T shirt and jeans, a baseball cap covering his shaved head, he looks happy and healthy and normal. Toni runs and hugs him as tight as she can.  
“Hey kiddo, I’m digging the tattoo.” he says, pointing to her arm.  
“Thanks Dad, it was an impulse thing.” She explains and he nods.  
“I get that, sometimes the best decisions are impulsive though. Come on, let's settle in. Sound good?” He asks and Toni nods. “So what are the big plans for next year?” he asks as he throws her bags in the trunk of his.  
“Um, I’ll probably draw. Keep working for the construction company, they might move me up soon. Mr. Andrews has been super supportive. Just got to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.” She says as she gets into her seat and buckles up. She shoots a text to Cheryl out of habit, just to say that she landed safely but it doesn’t deliver, none of her texts to Cheryl have delivered.  
“Nothing wrong with a gap year or two, the most important thing in your life is you. You just gotta take some time, take care of yourself.” he says, settling in and turning the car on. She nods and looks at her phone one more time before turning it off like she had planned, she wants to be unplugged this trip to enjoy time with her dad. And she knows she’s got to take care of herself, that’s the most important thing.   
When they get to his house they eat some lunch and try to figure out what to do with the rest of their day. “How about the beach?” he asks her.  
“Galveston?” She responds with a smile and he nods. “Lets go.” She says, getting out of her seat to find her swimsuit. When they have all they need they get in the car and drive the 30 minutes to the ocean. “Race you to the water,”She says, jumping out of the car and running across the sand. When she gets to the water she can hear her dad yelling behind her. He finally catches up to her when the water is up to her waist. “God, I love the ocean.” Toni sighs and he nods.   
“Me too.” He says and they wade around, jumping into waves and swimming. It makes her feel like a kid again.  
When the sun starts to set, they pack their things and head back to the car and he finally asks the question she didn’t want to answer. “How’s Cheryl?”  
“I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to her since before graduation.” Toni sighs, running her hand through her hair. “We had this huge blow out fight and then she didn’t show up at graduation. Her mom says she’s in Vermont at her grandma’s house. I’m not sure though, her phone is off and I’ve left like a million messages but I don’t think I’ll hear back from her.” She explains and he glances at her briefly as he drives away from the beach.  
“Maybe it’s for the best, Tiny. Maybe it’s a sign that you should focus on you. Move forward, don’t let yourself become stagnant. Take your spot as the queen even. Maybe it’s time.” he says and she nods, looking out the window to think. She thinks maybe he’s right, maybe there’s no point holding on to something that isn’t even there anymore. 

Cheryl - May 28th  
The halls are dark and Cheryl can barely see but she can hear Toni calling for her. She can hear Toni yelling her name, so she runs. Turning every corner like she knows where she’s at but nothing looks familiar, all she can do is follow the sound of Toni’s voice. Cheryl rounds one last corner and sees Toni standing by herself, tears streaming down her face as she turns to look at Cheryl.  
“Why didn't you love me, Cheryl? Why don’t you love me?” she cries out and Cheryl tries to scream at her that She does love her but Cheryl can’t get her mouth to open. Her arms feel wet and warm and Toni is just pointing at her. Crying. “Look what you’ve gone and done now Cheryl. Look at what you’ve done.” she cries, and Cheryl looks down at her arms to see violently bright crimson streams pouring from her wrists, pooling at her feet. This time, when she goes to scream, it makes a noise. A noise so loud that she jolts forward, sitting up in her bed.  
“Hey now Cheryl, it was just a dream. Okay?” Alice says as she walks into Cheryl’s room and over to her bed where Cheryl lays, gasping for air. She can’t stop herself from sobbing now, uncontrollable body wracking sobs.  
“I miss her. I messed up so badly and I miss her.” Cheryl says through her tears.  
“Hold on a minute, darling, I’ll be right back.” Alice says and Cheryl draws her blanket around herself tightly, shaking from the nightmare she just had. Alice comes back with a container of vanilla ice cream and two spoons. She gives one to Cheryl and they start to eat.   
“Nothing soothes a nightmare or a broken heart quite like ice cream can.” she says and Cheryl nods, giving Alice a weak smile. “You want to talk about it some more, kid?” she asks and Cheryl nods again, swallowing her ice cream.  
“The day I tried to kill myself, my girlfriend and I got into this huge screaming match. It was the day before graduation and I hadn’t been doing so well lately. She was upset because I wouldn’t tell my parents about us and we got into this fight. She said if I wouldn’t tell them we’d be over. I knew I was going to try to kill myself and I wanted her to not be my girlfriend when I did that. I wanted her to be so mad about our break up that my suicide would be less of a big deal. So I said that I guessed we were over and I stormed off. She texted me that night to apologize and I ignored it, went to the bathroom, and slit my wrists. But I really fucked up because I love her, I love her so much and I just disappeared from her life. I’m not even sure if she knows what happened.” Cheryl explains, tears streaming down her face and Alice hands her a tissue.  
“True love will always be true love, regardless of the obstacles. If you two are meant to be then you will be. You have to have faith in the universe. What’s her name?” she asks.  
“Toni.” Cheryl says, clearing her throat. “Toni Topaz.”  
“Toni Topaz.” she says and looks at Cheryl in thought. “That’s a beautiful name. Now then, let’s eat some ice cream and stop crying. How's that sound?” She says pointing to Cheryl with her spoon and Cheryl laughs, nodding her head at Alice.  
“Sounds great.” Cheryl says before eating another spoonful.

Toni - June 12th  
“I’m home, Cheryl, I’ve been home for about a week now. I hope Vermont is good. I hope you’re good. I’m really sorry about that stupid fight we got into, I’m not sure I can say sorry enough. I um, start a new job in a few days. Bathroom remodel for a nurse, she’s a really nice lady. super funny. I think you'd like her and her son.” Toni smiles to herself before continuing on with her message, “Anyways, I’ve got to go but I love you and I miss you, and I wanted to say happy early birthday. I hope to hear from you soon, goodbye Cheryl.” Toni says to her mailbox, she still hasn’t gotten through to Cheryl and Cheryl hasn’t reached out to Toni but her birthday will be here soon so she hopes Cheryl calls. Toni doesn’t know what else to do but wait.

Cheryl - June 14th  
“It’s my birthday tomorrow Alice, my 18th birthday.” Cheryl says to her when Alice comes into the room.  
“Is that so?” she asks and Cheryl nods, smiling big. “What’s the doctor have to say?”  
“He said that with how much I’ve been participating in group and how well I’ve been doing one on one, my parents get to come see me and if that goes well then in a few months I’ll be out of here.” Cheryl explains excitedly and Alice smiles.  
“Well, maybe I’ll see about sneaking you a present.” Alice says with a wink and a smile. Cheryl gasps overdramatically.  
“A present, Alice? For little old me?” Cheryl says, putting a hand on her heart and the back of her other hand on her forehead. “Whatever have I done to deserve this?” Alice laughs, waving a hand at the girl before going to walk out the door.  
“Shush now, kid, or you’ll get nothing.” she says with mock sternness and Cheryl holds her hands up in defense before laughing as Alice leaves.

June 15th  
Alice wakes Cheryl up with a knock on her door, Cheryl stretches and sits up as Alice walks in with her hands behind her back. “Whatcha got there?” Cheryl asks with a smile and Alice sits on the edge of Cheryl’s bed, pulling a teddy bear out from behind her back.  
“I figured you could use someone to cuddle with, make the nights less lonely.” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“I love it, thank you.” Cheryl says and stretches across the bed to hug her.  
“You’re welcome, Cheryl, you are very welcome.” she says, patting Cheryl’s back. She’s not sure why but Cheryl starts to cry on Alice’s shoulder then and Alice doesn’t move. She just sits there like it’s her job to comfort Cheryl, rubbing circles on her back until she stops crying. Maybe this isn’t how Cheryl thought she’d spend her 18th birthday, but at least she feels loved.

Toni - June 15th  
On Cheryl’s birthday, Toni breaks a frame with a picture of them in it, and she cries. Cheryl was supposed to move in with Toni as soon as she turned 18. They were supposed to be together, but she’s at her grandma’s. In Vermont.  
“Fuck Vermont.” Toni mutters under her breath as she pulls a box out of her closet. She throws everything that was Cheryls or reminds her of Cheryl into that box and she just stares at it. “ Fuck you, Cheryl. Fuck you.”  
Toni storms angrily around the apartment before she goes to the store, buys some pink hair dye and gives herself pink strips of hair. Then she pulls her Serpent jacket out of the closet and makes her way to the Whyte Wyrm.   
“FP!” She hollers at him and he gives her a wave.   
“What’s up kid? You finally ready to take your place?” He asks and she nods.   
“This is what I’m meant to do.” She says and he nods.   
“I’ll spread the word.”

Cheryl - June 21st  
“Toni is great. My best friend. She could always make me laugh and she has always made me feel safe. She once broke a guy's nose because he grabbed my ass and that was before we were even dating. She was just always defending me and she was my biggest fan.” Cheryl says nodding.  
“And what about Jason?” The doctor asks her.  
“He was always so full of life. Such a good kid. Toni would take him on hikes and teach him how to climb trees. He really adored her, they were the two most important parts of my life.” Cheryl tells him and the doctor nods.  
“How do you feel about your parents coming tomorrow?” He asks her and She smiles.  
“It’ll either go really well, or it’ll be a total shit show. But I’m ready for it.” 

June 22nd  
“Hey, Mom.” Cheryl says, standing from her seat in the visitors lounge to hug her. “Hey, Dad.” She says as she moves to hug him too.  
“Hello, Cheryl, you look well.” Her mom says as they sit down and Cheryl smiles at her.  
“I feel a lot better.” Cheryl says and both of her parents nod. “So have you guys seen or heard from Toni?” Cheryl asks hopefully and her mother scoffs at her.  
“I told that little sapphic sister that you were in Vermont at your grandmother's house.” Her mom says and her dad looks at the floor.  
“You did what?”   
“She thinks you’re on a vacation and that you don’t want to speak to her. She was poisoning your mind after all.” Her mom says, brushing her bleach blonde hair behind her ear and waving her hand dismissively.  
“No she wasn’t, Mom. She was good to me, my best friend.” Cheryl bites back.  
“Yes well, your father and I think you should really think more about the company you keep or else people might begin to talk.” she says, looking at her nails like they’re more interesting than her daughter.  
“And what will they say? That I’m a lesbian? Newsflash, Mom, I like girls.” Cheryl says and that was enough to get her moms attention, enough to make her mother slowly look at her.  
“No daughter of mine will be a homosexual. You know this already.” she says and her Dad holds his hand up.  
“Now wait, honey, let's just talk about this.” He says and she cuts him off.  
“No, I will not talk about this. No daughter of mine will be gay in any form and that is final.” she says and Cheryl leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees.  
“Then you have no daughter here.” She says through gritted teeth before standing and walking to the door.  
“Cheryl, wait a minute please.” Her dad pleads.  
“No, Dad, I don’t think I will.” Cheryl responds as she walks out of the room and down the halls back to her bed.

Toni - June 24th  
“Hey Cheryl, just calling to let you know that I got a promotion. The woman I was telling you about before, wants me to run the remodel of her bathrooms so I’ll be overseeing the construction team now, not just doing the grunt work like I used to do after school.” Toni laughs and pauses for a minute, unsure if she should tell Cheryl about going to see FP. “ I’m going to start working out again and um… I guess I’ll try you again later. I love you, Cheryl. Bye.” Toni hangs up the phone and walks to her room to get dressed and go to work. This is a trial run as supervisor but things are going well so far. One of her guys hasn’t been himself lately, but she’s hoping he can straighten himself out without her intervention.

June 30th  
It’s noon when she gets to the job site to see Phil stumbling around. “Hey Phil!” She yells and he looks at her. She taps her head and yells, “hard hats on! you okay, buddy?” He just smiles at her and waves a hand dismissively before stumbling again. “Fuck dude, seriously?” She mutters under her breath and walks over to him, grabbing him by his collar and spinning him around. “Dude, what’s up? You can’t even walk straight.” Toni says and then she pauses to take a deep breath, looking him up and down. She scoffs. “You smell like a bar man, you’re fucking blitzed.”  
“No way, T. I swear I’m good.” he says, his words running together.  
“Get the fuck out of here man. Don’t come back unless you’re sober. You hear me?” She yells and he nods, running off the jobsite and out of view. She sighs, this is going to be a long fucking day.  
A few hours later, her phone starts ringing, and her heart jumps at the thought that it might be Cheryl, but it isn’t. “This is Toni Topaz, how can I help you?” She answers.  
“Hi, my name is Valerie, I work at the gym you go to and I was just calling to let you know you left your wallet here this morning, it was picked up by another patron.”  
“Oh shit, thanks. I’ll swing by tonight and grab it.” She replies.  
“It’s no problem at all, have a nice day.” Charlotte says and Toni smiles.  
“Yeah, you too. Bye now.” She says and hangs up before hollering out to the crew. “Hey guys, let's wrap this up by six tonight please.” She yells and they nod at her.  
Six comes and they call it a day, like planned, so she heads to the gym to get her wallet. The girl at the front desk has a name tag that says Valerie, so Toni assumes it’s who called her and she notices that the girl is beautiful.   
“Hey I’m…” Toni starts and she cuts her off.  
“Toni Topaz, I have your wallet right here.” Valerie says, opening a drawer and pulling it out.  
“Thanks.” Toni says, taking it from her.  
“No problem.” she replies and Toni turns to leave but quickly turns back.  
“Hey, do you maybe want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?” Toni asks and Valerie blushes at her, nodding shyly.  
“I’d love that.” she says and Toni smiles.  
“Well, give me your number and I’ll call you.” Toni says and she smiles again, writing it on Toni’s hand with a pen.  
When she gets home, she calls Cheryl again and, like normal, it goes straight to voicemail. “Hey Cheryl, it’s me.” Toni says and pauses, taking a deep breath, “I’m just calling to say that I can’t keep waiting for you. I’m tired of waiting for you to break this radio silence. I’m going on a date soon and I can only assume that your silence means you’re moving on too. I’m sorry if I’m wrong about that but like I said, I can’t wait forever. Bye, Cheryl.” Toni hangs up the phone and sighs again, flopping onto her couch and turning the television on. It’s time to move on, she can’t let herself get stagnant.

July 15th  
The new job is going well. Valerie and Toni are doing well, and things just seem to be looking up for me. Toni has just put the finishing touches on the upstairs bathroom when she hears a baby crying downstairs. Toni walks down into the kitchen to see the homeowner and her child there with a bunch of groceries. She knocks on the frame of the entryway before speaking. “Ma’am? Could you use some help?” Toni asks, causing the woman to jump.  
“Oh, yes please. Thank you.” she says and Toni nods.  
“I don’t think we’ve met yet, I’m Toni Topaz. I’m running the renovations, supervising the crew. They’ve all gone home for the day and I was just finishing a few things up when I heard the baby crying.” Toni explains and the woman looks at her strangely.  
“Toni Topaz?” she asks and Toni nods. “What a nice name, I’m Alice and this little boy is my son, Charles.” she says smiling.  
“How old is he?” Toni asks as Charles reaches out to her, making her laugh.  
“He’s 8 months old and he seems to really like you.” Alice says laughing. “Would you mind holding him while I put these groceries away? He hates his pack and play.” she says and Toni nods.  
“That’s fine, I love kids.” Toni tells her, taking the boy from his mom. “My ex girlfriend's little brother was like my best friend until he died.” Toni tells her and Alice smiles sadly at her while she puts some cans of soup in the pantry.  
“How’d the little angel pass?” she asks.  
“Someone jumped the curb into his front yard and hit him with their car. He died on impact.” Toni explains and Alice sighs.  
“People these days.” she says shaking her head. “That must have been hard on you and your ex.” she says and Toni nods.  
“Yeah, Cheryl took it pretty bad. She’s in Vermont at her grandma’s now. I haven’t heard from her since the end of May.” Toni says and Alice smiles sadly at her again.   
“Well you know, true love will work itself out.” Alice says with a smile and Toni smiles back before she hands Charles back to his mom when she’s done with groceries. Toni heads home with the knowledge that it’ll be hard to sleep tonight. 

Cheryl - July 17th  
“Cheryl, honey, how are you feeling?” Alice asks, coming into her room.  
“I’m good, thinking about calling Toni or writing her a letter.” Cheryl says with a smile.  
“That’d be good, I heard what your parents told her. Maybe you should set the record straight.” she says and Cheryl nods.  
“Yeah I think I will. But right now I have therapy.” Cheryl says, smacking her thighs and standing. “I have to figure out when I’ll be getting the hell out of here.” Cheryl walks out the door with a wave and heads down the hall to her doctor's office. The good doc agrees that at the very least, she should write to Toni and also says that even though her parents have technically disowned her, since she’s an adult and Cheryl has a semi substantial trust fund set aside, she’s still on the track for release at the beginning of September. Cheryl tries to call Toni that night from the nurses station but she hangs up before it connects, Toni probably wouldn’t have answered anyways, she never answers a number she doesn’t know.

July 20th  
Cheryl finally gets the nerve to call Toni today, so she’s sitting at the nurses station and she dials her number. Letting it ring. When it connects, Cheryl’s breath catches in her throat.  
“Hello, this is Toni Topaz, can I help you?” Toni says and her voice almost brings Cheryl to tears.  
“Hey, Toni. It’s Cheryl. I need to talk to you, do you have a minute?”   
“Cheryl? Did you get a new number, is that why you haven’t answered my calls?” she asks.  
“No, I don’t have access to my cell phone, this is the phone at the nurses station. I’m in the hospital. The psych ward to be exact.” Cheryl says with a sigh.  
“The psych ward? Your mom said you were in Vermont.” Toni replies, her voice dripping with confusion.  
“She lied to you, Toni. I tried to kill myself the day before graduation.” Cheryl explains and hears Toni sigh across the line. “I’m getting out, first week of September. Maybe you could pick me up and we could talk? Or you could come up and visit before then?” Cheryl says hopefully and she hears Toni sigh again.  
“Yeah, Cheryl, what hospital? I can come see you tomorrow.” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“It’s Saint Johns.” Cheryl tells her.  
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Toni.” Cheryl says before disconnecting the call and going to her room with a smile on her face.

Toni - July 20th  
Toni hangs up the phone and walks back into her living room, sitting next to Valerie on the couch. “Who was that?” Valerie asks.  
“Remember my ex that’s in Vermont?” Toni asks and Valerie nods. “Well it turns out she hasn’t been in Vermont at all, she’s been in a hospital in the psych ward. She uh, tried to kill herself I guess.” Toni explains and Valerie looks at her with concern.  
“What did she want?” She asks quietly.  
“She wants me to come see her so I’m going tomorrow to see her.” Toni says and Valerie nods.  
“I don’t think you’re over her yet.” Valerie says and Toni sighs.  
“Maybe you’re right, but I’m with you now. I just owe it to her and to myself to go see her, hear her out.” Toni explains and Valerie nods, snuggling into her side and pressing play on the movie they were watching.

July 21st  
The drive to Saint Johns is uneventful. Just Toni, her music, and her anxiety. She doesn’t know why but she’s nervous to see Cheryl. When Toni gets to the hospital and checks in, she’s led to a bright and open room with a couple of couches in it and she’s told to wait. About five minutes go by and then Alice leads Cheryl into the room, so Toni stands to greet them.  
“Alice? I didn’t know you worked here.” Toni says hugging her. “How’s Charles?” Toni asks and Alice smiles.  
“Toni Topaz, you are just a doll. Charles is doing great and the bathroom looks amazing so far, I can’t wait until it’s done.” she says and Cheryl looks confused. Toni laughs and Alice gives them both a wave before leaving. Toni pulls Cheryl into a hug immediately.  
“I’ve missed you Cheryl.” Toni tells her and Cheryl smiles into Toni’s shoulder.  
“I’ve missed you too.” she says before breaking the hug. “I like your tattoo.” Cheryl says, poking Toni’s arm as Toni laughs, running a hand through her hair. “And your hair.”  
“Thank you.” Toni responds with a smile.  
“So you know Alice?” Cheryl asks.  
“Yeah, not well. I’m running her bathroom remodel right now. She’s a nice lady.” Toni says and Cheryl smiles.  
“Fred promoted you? That’s wonderful.” Cheryl exclaims proudly and Toni laughs.  
“Yeah, I told you about it in a voicemail but I guess you haven’t been able to check those.”   
“No, they’re not giving me my phone back until the day before I leave.” Cheryl says and that’s when Toni lets her eyes settle on the pink scars on Cheryl wrists. “The wounds healed pretty well, just waiting on the scars to fade now.” she says with a cough and Toni looks Cheryl in her deep brown eyes, noticing that they look paler now than she remembers.  
“You look well Cher, you look really really good.” Toni says, taking Cheryl’s hand in hers. “Although, I am surprised you aren't in Vermont.”  
“Yeah, when I found out that’s what my mom told you I flipped out. They ended up disowning me at the end of that conversation. No daughter of hers will be a homosexual. But you know how my mom is.” she says and Toni sighs.  
“I’m sorry they did that and I’m sorry you’ve been going through this alone.” Toni says.  
“It’s alright, I’ve had Alice and the teddy bear she smuggled in for me. I’m on track to be released September 1st. I just need to focus on me, you know?” she explains and Toni nods.  
“Yeah, my dad told me the same thing a while back.” Toni says while Cheryl smiles at her.  
“So what else have I missed?” Cheryl asks.  
“Um, not much. I’ve been seeing someone but it isn’t serious or anything. I had to fire a guy for coming in drunk all the time. I’m in charge of the serpents. I took a vacation down to Texas. That’s pretty much all I’ve done.” Toni tells her and Cheryl frowns a little.  
“Seeing someone? Well is she pretty?” Cheryl asks and Toni laughs. “Wait, leader of the serpents?”  
“You know, she is but I don’t think she’ll ever be as pretty as you. And yeah. FP has been in charge since my dad stepped down. I decided it was my turn.” Toni teases and Cheryl smiles.  
“Oh shut up, I don’t even have any makeup on, I’m proud of you though.” she says, lightly pushing Toni’s shoulder and laughing.  
“You never needed make up Cheryl, you were always beautiful. Especially when you’re happy.”  
“So, when I get out can we see each other?” Cheryl asks.  
“I think I’d like that.”  
“Do you think you could pick me up that day or is that asking too much?” Cheryl asks.  
“That might be asking too much, I’ll have to talk to Valerie. But I’ll talk to you before then, call me whenever you want to. I mean it.” Toni says, standing up. “I’ve got to go though, Alice’s bathroom won’t finish itself.” Toni says and Cheryl stands. Toni is quick to pull Cheryl into another tight hug.  
“I still love you, Toni.” Cheryl whispers and Toni freezes.  
“I think I still love you too, Cheryl, but I’ve got to figure that out for sure.” Toni whispers back, breaking the hug and waving to Cheryl before she leaves, going out to her car and driving away.

August 10th  
The weeks pass and Valerie still definitely does not want Toni picking Cheryl up from the hospital. “Does she still love you?” she asks and Toni nods. “Then no, absolutely not.” she says and Toni sighs. She looks at Toni and sighs too. “What day does she get out?” she asks.  
“September 1st.” Toni says and Valerie shakes her head.  
“You couldn’t even if I was okay with it, we’re flying to my moms in Florida that morning.” she reminds her girlfriend, who groans in response.  
“Fuck, I forgot.” Toni says and Valerie sighs.   
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” she says giving Toni a kiss before leaving the apartment. Toni groans to herself, Valerie’s kisses don’t make her feel the way Cheryl’s did. 

Cheryl - August 15th  
Cheryl has spent at least a half an hour every day on the phone with Toni. She was disappointed to hear that Toni can’t come get her but Cheryl will just take a cab. It’ll be fine. Trish keeps saying if it’s meant to be it’ll be so Cheryl is just trying to respect that, she’ll just be happy when she’s out and she can see Toni again. Cheryl missed her so much it’s like she’s missed a piece of her soul.

August 20th  
Alice tells Cheryl that Toni just wrapped up the last of the remodelling that she wanted done. “I might just have to find another project though that girl is amazing.” she says and Cheryl laughs.  
“Yeah, she’s pretty great.” Cheryl says with a sad smile and Alice pats her shoulder.  
“If she knows what’s good for her, she’ll choose you. But even if she doesn’t, that girl does not dictate your worth okay?” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“Okay, Alice.”

Toni - August 25th  
“Baby? Where do you keep your suitcases?” Toni hears Valerie yelling from the living room.  
“In my closet.” She yells back from the kitchen, where she’s currently washing dishes, and she hears Valerie walk away. A few minutes later Toni hears her name being called so she wipes her hands off and walks to the bedroom. Valerie is standing in front of an open cardboard box and Toni sighs. “What is all this?” She asks and Toni points to the box.  
“That is all of Cheryl’s stuff. I boxed it up to give to her a while back.” Toni explains and Valerie sighs.  
“Do you want to be with me?” she asks and Toni looks at her with confusion.  
“Yes, I want to be with you.” She says and Valerie smiles, walking over to her and kissing her lightly on the lips.  
“Just checking. Now you need to pack.” she says and Toni laughs. Valerie is right, Toni needs to pack.

Cheryl - August 31st  
It’s the night before Cheryl is set to leave and Alice brings her phone to her room. “It’s fully charged and you’ve got quite a few voicemails on there.” she says with a smile and Cheryl takes it from her.   
“Thanks, Alice!” Cheryl hollers as the kind nurse walks away, giving Cheryl privacy. She unlocks her phone and clicks on the first voicemail. It’s from that night.  
“Hey, love, it’s me.” comes Toni’s voice from the other side. “I’m really sorry we fought today, you know I didn’t mean it. I can’t wait to graduate with you tomorrow. You’ll move in with me soon and you can decorate our apartment however you want and things will be okay. I’m sorry I’m an idiot, but I love you. I’ll uh, see you tomorrow, Cheryl. Night.” The voicemail ends and Cheryl has a few tears pooling in her eyes. She clicks the next one from the next day. “Cheryl, baby!” She hears Toni’s voice come through her phone speaker bright and bubbly. “I got a tattoo. I’m going to see my dad tomorrow. I think I already mentioned that but I got a tattoo. I think you’d like it, it suits me well. I can’t wait for you to see it. I love you.”   
The next one Cheryl listens to is from her birthday, Toni sounds so sad to not have been able to spend it with Cheryl but so hopeful that she’ll see Cheryl again soon. Her voice just makes Cheryl smile. When she fires Phil she’s in tears on the voicemail, scared of people like him who go about their days drunk without regard to safety, because it reminds her too much of how Jason died. And that last voicemail she leaves, about not waiting anymore and going out with Charlotte, that one just about breaks Cheryl’s heart. She has to call it a night after that one, it’s late and Cheryl can’t bear to look at Toni’s texts. She’s getting out tomorrow and that’s all that matters. 

Toni - September 1st.  
Toni is packed and about to be on her way to the airport with Valerie when Cheryl texts her, it’s a stupid picture of her and her teddy bear and the accompanying text says “we’ll be free today at noon.” Toni laughs and Charlotte eyes her weird. When they get to the airport, Toni parks her car and they get in line for TSA, the time seems to be passing slowly. It’s only 10 AM but it feels like it should be way later. Cheryl and Toni keep texting.

Cheryl  
Cheryl is currently packing her few things up into a bag that Alice brought her. Phone charger, teddy bear, journal, and the couple books that she was gifted to get through the boredom of being here. It’s 11, and Cheryl will be officially discharged in an hour. The cab is set to be here, Alice got her flowers, and they all celebrated her accomplishments today in the morning group. Cheryl is about 90 percent sure that she will be okay, she just wishes Toni was going to be there to get her.

Toni  
The closer it gets to noon, the more anxious Toni is. It’s 11, and she can’t sit still, waiting in the lobby for their flight to be called and listening to Valerie ramble on about how great the beaches are in Florida. Cheryl texts her again and it says “I wish you were going to be here to get me.” followed by a frowning face. Without thinking, Toni stands up quickly and She grabs her bag. All she had was a carry on anyways. Valerie looks at her with confusion and her heart breaks for the girl momentarily.  
“I’m really sorry.” Toni says and Valerie sighs, cutting her off.  
“You could never love me the way you love her. Go get her.” Valerie says and Toni nods, busting out into a run Through the airport and back to the parking garage. She fumbles with her keys while she opens the back door, hastily throwing her bags in before hopping into the front seat, turning on directions and driving as quickly as she can. The GPS says she’ll get there at a quarter till noon, which is perfect because it gives her the time for one stop on the way.

Cheryl  
“Everything okay, doll?” Alice asks and Cheryl nods, looking at her.  
“Yeah, I’m good. Toni stopped texting me back but that probably means she boarded her plane already or something.” Cheryl says and sighs, Alice quirks an eyebrow at her.  
“Whatever you say, Cheryl. My bet is that she’ll show up here, sweep you off your feet.” Alice says and Cheryl laughs.  
“She’s with Valerie now, that’s not going to happen.” Cheryl sighs, before looking at the clock.”Oh shit Alice, it’s 12:05. Were you just going to let me sit around here forever?” Cheryl asks and Alice laughs.  
“No kid, I wasn’t. Your cab should be down there. Good luck.” she says, pulling Cheryl into a hug.  
“Hey now, I’ll be seeing you for dinner soon Alice.” Cheryl says as the hug ends and she walks to the elevator, waving goodbye as she does. When she walks out of the main entrance, Toni is there with a bouquet of white lilies in her hand. She gasps and Toni steps forward.  
“The lily means, I dare you to love me.” she says and Cheryl laughs.  
“I love that movie.” Cheryl says.  
“I know,” she says, taking another step towards Cheryl, “I love you.”   
“I know.” Cheryl says, smiling at her. “I love you too.” She says before closing the distance and kissing Toni. It feels just like the first time all over again. When they break away Toni smiles at Cheryl.  
“Now then, can I take your bag my love?” she says and Cheryl laughs, handing it to her.  
“Of course you can, good sir.” Toni throws Cheryl’s bag in the back seat, opening the front door for Cheryl to climb in. “So I take it you left Valerie?” Cheryl asks and Toni nods.  
“In the middle of an airport.” she says and Cheryl laughs.  
“Wow, you’re a jackass.” Cheryl says and Toni looks at her, resting her hand on Cheryl’s thigh.  
“Never to you, Cheryl. Never to you.” she says before starting the drive. “So do you want to live with me?” Toni asks and Cheryl laughs again.  
“Where else would I go?” She says and Toni smiles at her, taking the road back to their apartment, something that a week ago Toni thought she’d never get to say, but all she needed was to give it some time and it worked out in her favor. Cheryl and Toni guess that’s just the thing about time, no one can control how it moves or how it progresses but everyone needs it. Time moves and everyone moves with it. Even when it seems like it's flying by. Even when it seems like it's dragging on. Time is what makes everything have its meaning, and we are meant to roll with the punches because time will heal all wounds and time will make everything work. All life is, is the uncontrollable movement of time.


	3. The Funny Way Thing Start, and End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New found freedom, but is love enough?

Cheryl March 16th  
When Cheryl opens the door to her shared apartment with Toni, she knows the conversation they need to have is going to hurt. “Hey baby?” Cheryl calls out and she hears Toni yell back from the bedroom. Cheryl slowly walks back there and smiles at Toni sitting on the bed in her sweats and a t shirt, looking entirely too comfortable considering Cheryl is about thirty seconds away from breaking her heart.  
“What’s up, my love?” she asks with a smile and Cheryl sighs.  
“I need to leave.” She says and Toni sits straight up.  
“Leave?” she asks.  
“Yes, leave.” Cheryl replies as Toni runs her hand through her hair like she always does when she’s feeling anything.  
“To go where?” she asks.  
“Anywhere. I just can’t be here anymore.” Cheryl says and Toni sighs.  
“Well, we can break lease. Go wherever you need to go, wherever you want to go.” she says and Cheryl looks at her sadly.  
“Wherever I go, you can’t come with me. I can’t be with you anymore.” Cheryl explains and Toni looks at her, a mix of sadness and confusion in her eyes.  
“Have these last few years meant nothing to you?” she asks angrily and Cheryl shakes her head.   
“No, they’ve meant everything to me, but this between us was too idealistic. When we were in school we had school to talk about, we had similarities. Now the only thing we have in common is that we both saw my brother die. I have to move forward, find my true potential.” Cheryl explains and Toni looks away from her, Cheryl turns to walk out of the room when she hears Toni whisper.   
“I’ll always love you.”  
“I think a part of me will always love you too.” Cheryl says before grabbing the bags she packed that morning and heading over to Alice’s. 

Toni - March 16th  
After Cheryl leaves, Toni drinks some liquor her dad left here when he visited last and she sits her ass on the couch to think about what just happened. She’s not sure how long she sits there but when she snaps out of her funk it’s dark out and she hears someone crying so she follows the sobs to the stairwell. Toni sees a girl with blonde hair messy crying on the landing as she digs around in her purse “Are you okay?” Toni asks her and she shakes her head. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Toni asks, leaning against the rail.  
“I can’t remember where I live or where my keys are. I just moved here.” she says, wiping the tears off of her cheeks. Toni nods slowly and then waves a hand towards herself.  
“Well, come on then.” Toni says and the girls eyes widen.  
“I don’t even know you.” she says.  
“My names Toni. There, now you know me. Now, let's get out of this stairwell please.” Toni says and she nods, following Toni.  
“My name is Betty.” she says and Toni nods at her.  
“That suits you.” She says and Betty laughs.  
“You don’t even know me well enough to know that.” she responds and this time Toni laughs.  
“I’m going to pretend we’ve been friends for a very long time.” Toni says with a wink, stopping outside her door and opening it. She steps to the side to let Betty in and then she follows the girl inside.  
“You have a lovely home.” she says and Toni smiles.  
“Thank you.” Toni replies, taking Betty’s hand and leading her down the hallway to the bedroom. “I can get you some sweats or you can sleep in your underwear, I don’t care either way but just a heads up,” Toni pauses holding up her index finger, “I’m a cuddler.” She says with a smirk and Betty’s jaw drops. “Too forward?” Toni asks and Betty shakes her head. “Alright then, sweats or nothing?”  
“Sweats please.” she says and Toni nods at her, bending down to dig in her bottom dresser drawer to find a pair for her. She finds a pair of black ones and also finds her a grey t shirt, Toni tosses them to the girl before turning and crawling into bed. Betty quickly undresses, redresses, and follows suit. She lays on her side, facing away from Toni and Toni rolls over to lay against her back, throwing an arm over her side to be the big spoon.  
“Goodnight...B.” Toni says and then she smirks to herself, closes her eyes, and falls asleep.

Cheryl -March 16th   
As Cheryl makes her way to Alice’s house, she lets her tears fall onto her cheeks slowly, knowing that even though this hurts it is ultimately for the best. She had already packed a few small bags before She even talked to Toni, knowing that to make this easy she needed to keep the amount of time between the two of them to a minimum, especially after breaking her heart the way Cheryl just did.   
When Cheryl knocks on Alice’s door, she answers quickly and ushers Cheryl in even quicker. “It’s going to storm.” She says, looking out at the grey sky as Cheryl enters her home. “What’s wrong, hun?” She asks and Cheryl sighs.   
“I left Toni. Can I just stay here for a little while?” Cheryl asks and Alice nods.   
“You know where the guest rooms are, just pick one and come back down to join Charles and I for some dinner.” She says and Cheryl nods again, walking up the stairs and down the hallway to the green room. True to its name, everything in it is green. The carpet, the walls, and the bedding are all different shades. She puts her bags by the dresser and walks around the room, letting her fingertips trail over the emerald green comforter that’s laying on the neatly made queen sized bed and she thinks about the past few hours and the past three years.   
When she heads down the stairs She sees that Alice is still cooking and Charles is sitting at the table coloring. “Geez, Charlie is getting big.” Cheryl says and he barely glances up at her when she says his name, more focused on the picture of a lion that he’s working on.   
“Yeah, he’s oblivious to the world once he starts coloring though.” Alice says and they both sit down at the table. “Now, how about you tell me what happened that made you guys end it?” Alice asks and Cheryl sighs again.   
“At first it was great. The first year and a half we had a wonderful connection, great chemistry, and great sex.” Cheryl says and Alice laughs. “But then it felt more and more like I was a roommate that she needed to look after. Like I was broken. Everything started to die and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I mean, we were together for a long time but we just stopped growing.” Cheryl says, sighing again and Alice smiles at her sadly, placing her hands over mine on the table.   
“These things happen dear, you’ll just be staying here for awhile now. And that is okay, Charlie will love having you around almost as much as I will.” Alice says and Cheryl just nods and gives her a weak smile. She squeezes Cheryl’s hands and then stands up, walking back towards the kitchen.   
“For what it’s worth,” She shouts over her shoulder, “You did what’s right for you. There’s no place in anyone’s life for a relationship with no growth.” 

Toni - March 17th  
When Toni wakes up Betty is still asleep so Toni does her best to sneak quietly to the kitchen, her head is pounding, and she’s starving. About thirty minutes after She starts cooking, she hears footsteps coming down the hall, Toni turns to look at the girl emerging from the hallway. “Good morning.” Toni says and Betty smiles at her through a yawn, giving her a little wave.  
“Did we sleep together last night?” she asks and Toni pauses what she’s doing to look at Betty.  
“Well in a sense, yes.” Toni says with a shrug.  
“What’s that mean?”  
“It means we slept in the same bed, nothing more. I found you bawling in the stairwell because you couldn’t remember where you lived.” Toni explains, going back to cooking.  
“Oh damn, I’m sorry.” She says, sitting on a stool at the island.  
“Oh it’s fine, B, I needed the entertainment, and I was lonely anyways.” Toni says with a smile.  
“Boyfriend leave you?” she asks.  
“Girlfriend actually, but yeah.” Toni says with a nod.  
“You seem rather calm for someone who got left.” she says and Toni shrugs.  
“Maybe I wanted her to leave.” She deadpans, lying to herself and Betty, who looks at Toni with a blank look on her face, like she's trying to remember her name.  
“My name is Toni, if you don’t remember.” She says and Betty blushes. “God, you’re cute.” Toni says and laughs again when Betty blushes harder.  
“So what Toni, are you the patron saint of drunk girls?” she asks.  
“No, but I’m sure there is one.” Toni replies with a smirk and B laughs.  
“So what’s for breakfast?” she asks and Toni gets down two plates and pulls out some silverware.  
“Eggs, bacon, hash browns, and toast.” She says and Betty smiles.  
“Coffee?” she asks and Toni nods.  
“Of course. Betty, I know we just met for the second time if we’re being technical, but I am not a heathen. I’m an avid coffee drinker.” Toni laughs and Betty just looks at her with what can only be described as awe. “Keep looking at me like that,” Toni warns, leaning casually onto the counter and sipping her coffee, “See what happens.”  
“Give me a hint?” she asks and Toni laughs.  
“You’ll have to use your imagination there, let it run wild.” She says and Betty blushes. Toni looks at her again and she just knows what’s going to happen, Toni is going to willingly let Betty ruin her because there’s just something about her that is drawing Toni to her.  
“So give me your number?” she asks.  
“Yeah, I’ll give you my number.” Toni says and, at that, they eat breakfast, Betty finds her keys in her bag by the door and makes her way out of Toni’s apartment. 

March 22nd  
A few days pass before Toni gets a call from Betty and all she’s really done is wallow in self pity, but when her phone lights up with an unknown number she answers right away. “Hey, took you long enough.” Toni says teasingly and Betty laughs.  
“How’d you know it was me?” she asks.  
“Well I haven’t given my number to any other cute girls lately.” Toni says and Betty laughs again.  
“So I’m a cute girl, Toni?” she asks.  
“Oh yeah, the cutest, B. The absolute cutest.”  
“Well since I’m so cute, can I ask you a question?”   
“Yeah, what’s the question?”   
“Would you maybe like to grab a drink with me?” she asks.  
“Will you be able to find your way home after or will you be crying in a stairwell at the end of the night?” Toni asks in response and Betty laughs.  
“Oh ouch,T, that stung.” she says and then she laughs again, Toni doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of that laugh. “Uh, yeah, I’ll find my way home. Maybe if it all goes well you’ll find your way home with me.” she says.  
“Maybe so.” Toni responds.  
“So, tonight? 7 ish?” Betty asks.  
“Sounds perfect, Betty. Swing by my place?”  
“I’ll be there.” she says before hanging up.  
That night, at 6:45, Betty is standing outside Toni’s apartment door, in a tight black dress that hugs her curves with her hair down in loose black curls that kiss her shoulders. “Wow.” Toni says and Betty laughs at her. Toni opens the door wide to let her in.  
“Are you going to come in or are you just going to let me stare at you?” Toni asks, making Betty smile.  
“So any particular bar you like?” Toni asks.  
“How about the Whyte Wyrm? It’s right around the corner. ” she says as Toni sits on her couch to put her shoes on. “There, I’m ready.” She says standing back up a moment later, shooting Betty a smile. Toni opens the door for her date and Betty steps aside while she locks it behind them. Offering a hand to Betty, she grabs it and they walk hand in hand down the stairs and outside. They go around the corner to the bar and sit down.  
“Regular for you Toni?” Sweetpea asks as he dries out a glass. Toni nods. Betty orders a vodka tonic, Toni gets her whiskey sour and the next few minutes are them sitting in silence and sipping their drinks.  
“I totally thought this would be easier.” she says laughing and Toni smiles.  
“Well just tell me about you, that’s why I’m here. I’m interested in you.”  
“Well I’m 22, I just moved here from Greendale, I used to help my dad raise pigs on our farm. Now I’m studying to be a veterinary technician.” Betty says and Toni grins.  
“You’re too cute.” She says, making Betty blush.  
“Tell me about you now?” she asks and Toni sips her drink while nodding.  
“I’m 21, I’m a construction worker and I’m just trying to live my best life I guess.” Toni says and laughs. Betty smiles at Toni.  
“Construction, huh?” she says and Toni nods.  
“Yep, I want to do complete buildings, like homes, eventually but I’ll move up there with time. Right now I just supervise and run remodelings mostly.” Toni explains.  
“That’s really cool.” Betty says as she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.  
“Would you like to dance?” Toni asks and Betty nods, taking her hand and letting Toni lead her to the dance floor. They dance with each other for a while, the touch of her body against Toni is more intoxicating than the alcohol.  
“Let's get out of here.” Betty says to Toni and she nods. They walk hand in hand back to the apartment building and Betty leads Toni up the stairs to her place this time.   
“You’ve got a nice little set up in here.” Toni says, surveying the way Betty has her living room arranged.  
“Thanks,” she says blushing slightly, “You should see the bedroom.” she says and then she gasps as Toni looks at her with raised eyebrows and a laugh. “I totally didn’t mean it like that.” Betty says and Toni keeps laughing,  
“You gotta stop doing that, B.” Toni chuckles.  
“Doing what? Making a fool of myself?” Betty asks and Toni shakes her head.  
“Saying things that make me want to kiss you.” Toni replies, walking over to Betty and putting her hands on her waist.  
“Or you could just kiss me.” Betty says, letting her arms rest over Toni’s shoulders as she smiles. Toni takes her right hand away from Betty hip to brush a strand of her dark hair away from her face from where it came out from behind her ear.  
“I think I just might do that.” Toni mumbles as she slowly closes the gap between them, their lips meeting for the first time in a slow but passionate encounter. Betty’s lips are soft and Toni can taste the vanilla of her chapstick on her tongue as she runs it across Betty’s bottom lip. She takes that as an invitation to deepen the kiss and Toni welcomes the action, breaking away only after a few minutes.   
“Is everything okay?” she asks and Toni nods.  
“Yeah, I just think we’d better take this to the bedroom.” She replies, making Betty smile.  
“I thought you’d never ask.” 

March 26th  
It’s been a few days since their romantic encounter and Toni hasn’t really seen much of Betty but they’ve been texting. In fact, it’s about one in the morning when Toni texts Betty and asks if she wants to meet her on the roof. She tells Toni to come by and get her and she’ll go wherever Toni wants.  
A few minutes later Toni’s knocking on her door, Betty opens it to step out as she throws a hoodie on. When she’s ready she takes Toni’s hand and Toni leadsher through hallways and up staircases. “You okay today?” Toni asks and she shrugs. She doesn’t say anything else and neither does Toni. We just stand on the roof and watch the city lights blink.  
“You know you can talk to me, Betty.”  
“I know.”   
“So are you going to tell me where you got your bad attitude from?” Toni jokes, making Betty smirk at her while she shrugs her shoulders.  
“It’s vintage.” she deadpans and Toni stares at her for a moment before they both bust out laughing.  
“Seriously, Betty, you can talk to me.” Toni says and Betty nods again, grabbing Toni’s hand and letting them fall into a comfortable silence this time.  
“It just seemed like one bad thing after another today.” she says and Toni looks at her as she stares out at the horizon, face full of emotion. “First we had to put down this dog that had cancer, then this little girls cat was having kittens and lost all of them and the little girl didn’t understand what happened. Like she was just excited to have these kittens but they were all just dead. It sucked.” she sighs and Toni is quick to pull her close to and kiss her softly.  
“Just be here with me, forget about everything else for a minute and focus on me okay?” Toni mumbles against her lips and she nods, kissing Toni again.  
“Hey, Toni.” a voice says from behind Betty and Toni freezes, looking over her shoulder. “I see you’ve already found a warm body to take my place, eh?”  
“What do you want, Cheryl?” Toni spits out.  
“I figured you’d be up here when you weren’t at our place. Your place. Whatever.” Cheryl shrugs. “Who’s this?” she asks, pointing to Betty.  
“My girlfriend.” Toni responds coolly.  
“Girlfriend? Wow. I’m glad you’re settling down so quickly. No rebounds?”  
“Just go away, Cheryl.” Toni pleads.  
“Fine, fine.” she says, holding her hands up and walking backwards. “But when you’re not so busy, I need the rest of my things.” she says and then she’s gone, just as quickly as she came.  
“Betty, can we go to your place and talk?” Toni asks quietly and Betty just nods. They walk back to her place in silence and when they enter her apartment, Toni mindlessly goes to the couch and sits down. Betty sits next to her.  
“Now would be a good time to explain that.” she says, gaze not meeting Toni, who sighs in response.  
“That was my ex, Cheryl. We’ve been through a lot but she left and that was the end of us, I’m done with her now.” Toni explains.  
“And I’m your girlfriend?” Betty asks and Toni clears her throat.  
“Well, we are exclusively seeing each other right?” she nods and Toni smiles. “ Then yeah, you’re my girlfriend. We’re girlfriends.”   
“I like the sound of that.” Betty says, kissing Toni once again.

Cheryl - March 27th  
There is only so much time that Cheryl can spend wallowing in self pity that she shouldn’t even be feeling. Toni has moved on already, fairly quickly too. Cheryl knows that she was the one who left but Toni already having a girlfriend bothers her, she thinks it’s because She wanted to be the one that moved on first.   
Alice has been great to live with and Charlie really does love having her around, but it feels weird to be there indefinitely. Cheryl goes to work every morning at the office and tries her hardest to save up the money to move into her own place, but Alice is in no rush to have her leave and no place cheap enough seems to have any openings any time soon, so Cheryl carries on as she hasbeen. Waking up in the green room, showering in the green bathroom, and heading to the coffee shop before she heads to work.   
She has 45 minutes to kill this morning so she sits down at a table with her computer and her drink to finish up some last minute work. About 20 minutes into her morning of finishing her previously procrastinated work, she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to see who it could be.   
“Yes?” Cheryl asks the strange girl, trying to decipher what she could want as she blushes at Cheryl’s somewhat cold attitude.   
“I just wanted to say I think you’re beautiful and I heard about your break up. I just wanted you to know if you need a friend I’m more than willing to be here for you and when you’re ready, I’d like to take you out.” She explains nervously and Cheryl studies her. Deep brown eyes gazing at her, a face that looks familiar but one that Cheryl can’t place.   
“Do I know you?” Cheryl asks with a laugh and the girl blushes again.   
“Oh goodness, yes I’m sorry. We went to high school together but we didn’t talk much. I was a grade ahead of you. My name is Josie.” She says, extending her hand. Cheryl shakes it and smiles at Josie.   
“Put your number in my phone, Josie.” She replies with a smirk and Josie smiles as Cheryl hands her phone to the girl with a promise to call later. 

Toni - September 1st  
By the time fall comes, Toni is drinking every night. She’s lying to Betty so she can go out every night without her warning Toni of over doing it. On the anniversary of Cheryl’s release, the technical anniversary of their relationship, Toni is sitting at the Whyte Wyrm and she’s drinking again. She’s probably drunk more than she should have at this point but it’s almost midnight and she can go home whenever she pleases.  
Toni looks across the bar and sees Cheryl sitting there, drinking what looks like a scotch on the rocks, and her breath catches in her throat because this is the first time Toni has seen her since that night on the roof. It’s also the first time Toni has ever seen Cheryl drink in a bar but with her 21st birthday this past June, it’s not that surprising.   
After a few minutes of staring at her, Toni gathers her courage and her drink, stumbling over to Cheryl. When Toni reaches Cheryl, she looks shocked.  
“Cheryl.” Toni says, the letters running together.  
“Toni, what are you doing here?” she asks coldly.  
“I’m the Serpent Queen and I live right around the corner.” Toni answers, sitting on a stool next to her. “Are you here alone?” Toni asks and Cheryl nods, taking another sip of her drink.  
“What about you? Where’s your little girlfriend?” she asks with a smirk.  
“Her name is Betty and she decided to stay in tonight. She has an early morning tomorrow.” Toni explains.  
“Ah, so did Josie.” she responds, nodding at Toni.  
“Who’s Josie?”  
“Josie is my girlfriend. We actually just moved in together, two floors up from you.” she says and Toni smiles at her.  
“Small world.” Toni replies, letting the silence settle around them. “You want another drink? On me.” Toni asks, inviting Cheryl to stay here with her for a while.  
“Just one, Toni, then I have to go.” she responds and Toni smiles brighter before asking Sweetpea for another round. They sit in silence for a few moments, sipping their drinks before Toni speaks again.  
“You know, I miss you. I know I’ve been with Betty for a while now but I really miss you.” Toni says, making Cheryl sigh.  
“I miss your friendship, but that’s all.” she says back but Toni doesn’t believe her.  
“So you don’t want to kiss me?” Toni asks, leaning towards her slightly.  
“No, I really don’t.” she responds coolly.  
“I don’t believe you. I think you still love me.” Toni says and then Cheryl snaps, standing quickly and gathering her things.  
“Damn it, Toni. I’m with someone, why don’t you learn some boundaries?” she spits out before turning on her heel and storming out of the bar. Toni can only sigh and down her drink before ordering another.  
At closing time, she stumbles towards her apartment and pulls her phone out to see a dozen missed calls and texts from Betty. Toni swears under her breath and calls her girlfriend back only to get sent to voicemail each time. So she stumbles up the steps towards Betty’s apartment instead of her own and when she gets there she knocks on the door excessively. “B! Baby! You answered.” Toni says when the door opens after what feels like forever.  
“You’re drunk.” she says with a sigh, ushering Toni into the apartment. She helps Toni out of her clothes and lays her in bed, Toni is quick to curl up against her back, draping her arm over Betty’s side. Betty pulls Toni’s hand up to her chest and then to her lips, kissing Toni’s knuckles softly.  
“I’m so sorry I disappointed you.” Toni mumbles in response to the gesture and Betty just kisses the back of her hand.  
“Just get some sleep.” she says, so Toni does as she’s told and goes to bed.   
When Toni wakes up, Betty is not in bed and her hangover isn’t as bad as she thought it would be, so she goes into the kitchen and sees Betty brewing some coffee. “Good morning.” Betty says, handing Toni a cup.  
“Morning.” Toni mumbles and Betty looks at her questioningly.  
“Got anything you want to talk about?” she asks and Toni sighs.  
“I saw Cheryl at the bar last night.” Toni says and she nods. “She got drunk and I got drunk, then I implied that she wasn’t over me but she yelled at me and stormed out and I don’t even know why I did it.” Toni says, knowing there’s no point in lying to Betty. Betty, with an unreadable expression on her face, leans back against her kitchen counter.   
“I think you should go and we’ll talk in a few days, Toni.” she says looking into her coffee mug to avoid looking at Toni. Toni knows better than to argue and mutters a goodbye before leaving. 

September 15th  
Toni has barely talked to Betty, and although that makes her sad she feels like something is still drawing her to Cheryl. She knows in her heart that Betty is a good girl but she also knows it’s unfair to be with her unless she’s sure she doesn’t want to be with Cheryl. So Toni is at the bar again, drinking and hoping Cheryl will show up but now that she knows Toni frequently is there, there’s doubt Cheryl will ever show up again. Toni needs to see her though, and she can’t exactly go door to door two floors above her apartment and hope to find Cheryl.  
It’s starting raining out and Toni knows the only person that knows where Cheryl lives, is Alice. So she stands out in the pouring rain, waiting for a taxi to take her across town to Alice’s house. The cold September rain is chilling her to her core and She hates the fact that she has to go out there to come back here to find Cheryl but Toni needs her.  
After a half an hour in the taxi, Toni has sobered up a little bit and she walks up to Alice’s door and knocks. She waits for a few minutes as the wind blows fiercely around her and then she knocks again. Alice comes to the door and looks at her strangely.  
“Toni Topaz, what on Earth are you doing here at midnight?” she asks Toni as she pulls her sweater closed around the front of her body.  
“I need to know what apartment is Cheryl’s. Please Alice.” Toni pleads with her and she shakes her head at the girl.  
“If you wanted to win the girl back, I think you’re a couple months too late there.” she says and Toni looks at her pleadingly.  
“Alice, please I need to know.”   
“I warned that girl a storm was coming.” she starts and Toni looks at her curiously. “She told me it’s apartment 610, same building as you but she lives with that girlfriend of hers and she seems scrappy so I hope for your sake all you have to deal with is Cheryl.” she says and Toni smiles at her.  
“Thank you so much, Alice.” She says as she turns to walk out into the storm.  
“Hey now, don’t you hurt that girl like you did in the bar.” she yells.  
“I won’t!” Toni yells back before climbing back into the taxi and heading back towards her home.

Cheryl - September 15th  
When Cheryl wakes up, it’s after midnight and someone is pounding on her door. Josie is laying next to her in their bed and Cheryl doesn’t know who would be out there creating such a racket. She sighs and gets up though, knowing whoever is out there probably won’t stop until someone answers. “What is it, Cheryl?” Josie whispers sleepily.  
“I’m not sure baby, but I’ll go find out. Go back to bed.” Cheryl says, pressing a kiss to the crown of Josie’s head and walking to the entryway. Cheryl wrenches the front door open to see a rain soaked Toni standing in front of her, sobbing drunkenly.  
“Toni? What do you want?”Cheryl asks, keeping the door mainly closed.  
“Run away with me.” she says.  
“What?”  
“Grab your coat, leave a note, and run away with me, Cheryl. Please.” she pleads and Cheryl shakes her head.  
“Toni, we broke up a long time ago and Josie and I are serious.”  
“I know, I messed up before. I know I sucked before but please, just please come with me.” she begs, trying to grab Cheryl’s hand for comfort. Cheryl stares at her for a minute and then pulls her hand away.  
“No, Toni, I don’t think I will.” Cheryl responds, closing the door and heading back to bed.  
“Who was it?” Josie asks quietly.  
“Just a drunken fool.” Cheryl says back, holding Josie close to her and falling back asleep.

September 16th  
When Cheryl gets up the next day, she showers and ties her hair into a bun before getting dressed for work. She sees Josiein the kitchen petting Oscar, their little black rescue cat, and she smiles. “Good morning, beautiful.” Cheryl says, kissing her on the forehead.  
“Good morning love.” she says back as she looks Cheryl up and down. “You know, I love when you wear that navy skirt.” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“So does my boss, although I’m sure you love it for a different reason than it’s ability to make me look professional.” Cheryl says and Josie laughs.  
“That is true, baby. That is true.” she says, taking a drink of coffee and looking at Cheryl. “So what did Antoinette want?” she asks and Cheryl feels a little shiver go through her body at the tone of Josie’s voice.  
“She was drunk, wanted me to run away with her.” Cheryl shrugs. “But I shut her down.”  
“God, what do I have to do to get her to leave you alone? First the bar, now this? What will it take?” she says with a sigh.  
“You could always marry me, that might scare her off.” Cheryl jokes and Josie smiles at her.  
“Done, let's get married.” she says and Cheryl laughs.  
“No seriously, Cheryl, marry me?” she asks as she pulls a ring out and drops to one knee in front of her girlfriend.   
“Of course, I’ll marry you!” Cheryl exclaims and Josie smiles, putting the diamond ring on Cheryl’s finger and standing.  
“Good, I was afraid you’d say no.” she says, giving Cheryl a soft kiss. “I love you, Cheryl.” she says and Cheryl smiles.  
“I love you too, Josie.” 

Toni - September 28th  
When Toni knocks on Betty’s door, she realizes just how wrong she’d been to try to choose Cheryl over her, especially when Cheryl didn’t want Toni. When Betty opens the door, her eyes red like she’d been crying and her hair a mess, Toni feels even worse. “Betty, can I come in?” She asks gently and Betty nods, pushing the door open all of the way and walking to her couch. Toni follows, closing the door behind her and sitting next to her on the couch. “I never meant to hurt you and I’m so sorry, Betty. I was wrong about everything. I want to be with you.” Toni says softly and Betty stares at her.  
“You’re a douche.” she says, her voice thick with sadness.  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“You’re really, truly an asshole. And I hate that you’re an asshole because I love you.” she says, her voice cracking and tears welling in her eyes.  
“If you give me another chance, I’ll make it right.” Toni pleads.  
“You really need to get your shit together. Stop drinking and start being here for me. I miss you, and my life is hard too sometimes. I need you to support me.” she says.  
“I will.” Toni says seriously.  
“I mean it Toni, I love you but if you don’t get your shit together then I’m done.” she says.  
“I love you too, I’ll stay sober and I’ll be here for you I promise.” Toni says and she scoots closer to Betty on the couch to wrap her in a hug. With Betty’s forehead resting against Toni’s shoulder, her body starts to shake with big deep sobs that shake her to her core. “I love you, B.” Toni mumbles and kisses the top of her head. She pulls away and starts yelling.  
“I’m still mad at you, I’ve been crying since you left. I cried so much I thought I would never stop. Like it was Noah’s freaking ark and I was supplying the flood waters. I thought this ache in my chest would never go away.” she screams at Toni and Toni sits there and takes it.  
“I’m sorry.” Toni says again and she nods, letting herself lean back into Toni’s body to cry against her. Toni doesn’t move at all while Betty cries. She just sits there and waits for the storm to settle.

December 17th  
Being sober for a few months and being with Betty has been good, but when Toni wakes up today it’s like the other shoe has finally dropped. Her phone has about thirty missed calls from all kinds of family members so she takes a breath and She calls her grandfather back,  
“Hello, Toni.” he says when he answers on the third ring. “How are you?”   
“Well, I’m okay Gramps but what’s up with the whole family trying to call me?” She asks and she hears him sigh.  
“Toni, your father passed away. He was involved in a hit and run accident and he didn’t make it.” he says, his voice cracking like he might cry.  
“You’re sure it was him?” Toni asks quietly.  
“I’m sure, I went to the morgue myself to identify the body. He’s gone.” he says.  
“Well, I can probably get a flight today or tomorrow and I’ll come down there and help you out with everything Grandpa, I’ll be there.”  
“Alright kid, just let me know when you’ll be getting in.” he says.  
“Okay, I love you. I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow.” Toni says and she hears him say he loves her too before hanging up. She hurriedly starts to pack clothes and anything else she could possibly need into her duffel bag when there’s a knock on her door. She opens it up to see Betty with coffee, who looks at her concerned.  
“What happened, T?” she asks as Toni lets her in and Toni just shakes her head, letting a few tears escape. She quickly wipes them away as Toni sighs.  
“My dad died. A hit and run I guess. The doctors couldn’t save him so I have to go to Texas.” Toni explains. “God, this is just like what happened to Jason.” Toni says and Betty Looks at her curiously.  
“Jason?” she asks as she leads Toni to the couch.  
“He was Cheryl’s little brother, he was playing in the front yard when some drunk guy jumped the curb and hit him. Cheryl and I saw it all, so did their mom. He was dead on arrival, they couldn’t save him.” Toni explains sadly and Betty gets a weird look on her face that Toni dismisses as a look of processing what happened.  
“So you need to go to Texas?” she asks and Toni nods.  
“I’m trying to find a flight for tomorrow.” Toni explains and Betty holds her close, planting a kiss on her forehead.  
“I’ll come over after work, okay? Or you can come to my place.” she says as she stands, handing Toni the coffee she had brought over.   
“Okay.” Toni says with a nod and then Betty lets herself out and Toni goes back to packing.  
She finds a bottle of scotch in the kitchen and chugs it, crying silent tears before deciding to make a phone call. Cheryl answers after a while, like she might have been contemplating ignoring Toni. “Toni, seriously leave me alone.” she says and then Toni starts crying.  
“My dad died.” She says and Cheryl’s heart drops in her chest.  
“What can I do?” she asks quietly and Toni hiccups through her tears.  
“Come over, make me feel something good. Please.” Toni begs.  
“Toni, I can’t do that. I’m getting married soon.” she says and Toni starts crying harder. “Are you drunk?” she asks and Toni’s crying slows for a second,  
“My dad died, what else was I supposed to do?” Toni says and Cheryl sighs before she hangs up the phone, leaving Toni to cry in a heap on her couch.  
After a while, Betty lets herself in and sees Toni on the couch. Tenderly, she sits next to Toni and pulls her into her arms. “You don’t have to be strong, I can help you. You just have to get on a plane tomorrow and then come back to me in a week okay?” Betty speaks to her in soft tones and she nods, afraid that if she opens her mouth, only sobs will come out. She is sober now, the hours that have come and gone sobered her up to the point that she can be relatively functional.

December 23rd  
Dressed in a black suit, her hair tied back and her hands in her pockets, Toni finds herself standing next to a casket that contains her dad's body. She never thought it would be this way, never thought he’d die before he got to see her happy, but this is the way his hand played out.  
“Hey there, kid.” Her grandfather says softly as he approaches with a hand outstretched, she removes her right hand from her pocket and shakes his firmly while giving him a weak smile. The past few days had been full of people shaking her hand and hugging her and crying, she was exhausted.  
“Nothing like a funeral before Christmas.” Toni says sullenly and her grandfather moves to stand next to her.  
“You know, your father always wanted a son and when your mom gave birth to you he was happy to have you as a daughter but he always hoped to have a son that he could raise to be a better man than he was in his youth. A good man in a storm.” he pauses to sigh and Toni just stares at him, unsure of what the point behind this story is. “The thing is though, that he raised you and he thought he was going to raise you to be a strong and independent woman, but in reality he raised you to be better than most people your age can admit to being. He’d be awfully proud of you Sport, and everything you’ve done.” he finishes his tangent by clapping his hand to her shoulder and giving it a squeeze before walking away. In this moment, despite the sadness, she feels immensely proud that her father was proud of her.  
She stands in the same spot her grandfather left her in for awhile, until everyone has found a seat and it’s time for her to give the eulogy. Toni walks slowly and delicately to the podium and takes a deep breath before speaking. “My father always told me that every person in this world has to come to terms with the fact that the only things that are black and white, are life and death. He taught me from a young age that there was always a grey area, that nothing was ever just right or wrong, and that most things are out of your control.” She takes a deep, shaky breath and tries to hold her tears back before continuing. “He always said that life will move forward whether you like it or not so sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and move forward too, no good would ever come out of letting yourself grow stagnant and so in the midst of his death I urge everyone to remember those words. Life moves forward, and my father's death is just another punch we all have to roll with, but for his sake let us not let ourselves grow stagnant. Thank you for being here.” She finishes her speech in his honor and stands to the side so the priest can continue the rest of the service, at this point she lets a tear roll down her cheek.

Cheryl - December 25th   
When Cheryl wakes up on Christmas morning, Josie isn’t in bed with her so naturally Cheryl gets up to find her lover. Cheryl sees her on the couch with Oscar, petting him under his chin just like he likes and the soft act makes Cheryl smile. “Merry Christmas my love.” She says and Josie smiles back at her.  
“Merry Christmas, baby.” she says and Cheryl walks to the couch to give her a few kisses. In this moment, and all the moments with Josie, Cheryl is happy. Cheryl is safe and she feels warm.  
“I’m so glad we have each other.” Cheryl smiles. “That’s all I could ever want.”   
“I know what you mean,” Josie grabs Cheryl’s hand as she’s talking, lacing their fingers together, “I am so in love with you and I cannot wait for the day that we are married. This is the beginning of a beautiful future together.” she finishes talking and Cheryl smiles at her brightly before leaning in to kiss her deeply.

Toni - December 25th  
When Toni walks through the door into her apartment, Betty is there on the couch half asleep. “Hey.” Toni says as she sets her bag down and Betty sits up with a yawn.   
“Hey.” she says with a smile and Toni goes to sit next to her, hugging her tightly. “I’ve missed you.” Betty whispers and Toni nods.  
“I’ve missed you too, B.” Toni says as they part from their hug and Betty looks at her with an expression in her eyes that Toni can’t quite read, but Toni has never been good with eye contact.  
“I saw Cheryl and Josie the other day.” she says and Toni quirks an eyebrow at her. “They’re getting married.” she says and Toni nods at her.  
“Yeah, I heard something about that last week I think, does it matter?” Toni asks and Betty looks at her quizzically.  
“I think you’re still in love with her.” she blurts out and Toni stares at her with a mix of shock and sadness. “Just tell me you don’t love her anymore and we’ll be okay.” she says and Toni sighs.  
“Okay, I don’t love her anymore.” She says and Betty stares blankly in return.   
“God, see I want to believe you but I don’t, Toni, I really don’t. I think you still love her and there’s no place for me here if you still love her.” she says and Toni is not sure what to do.  
“She’ll always hold a place in my heart but she doesn’t want me and I want you.” Toni tries to explain and Betty’s eyes drop to her lap.  
“I think I should go.” she says and Toni sighs again.  
“Why?”   
“Because you said she doesn’t want you and you want me. Like I’m an afterthought. Like if she wanted you then you’d be hers. I’m going to go.” she says, standing as Toni stands too.  
“Betty, please don’t leave me. It’s Christmas, my dad died, I need you.” Toni pleads and Betty shakes her head.  
“I can’t be here, I’m sorry.” she says and she storms out the door, Toni collapses on the couch and cries again.


End file.
